Skullcaps

As you can notice I've been bloggin alot recently. This is because I have an assignment on international humanitarian law due (by that I mean its overdue already) and blogging is a surefire way to avoid being a responsible student while pretending to study b/c hey, atleast I'm on my laptop!

So I think we need to discuss kippot. I've recently returned to my kippa factory ways which has given me a lot of food for thought in terms of classifying whole and complex human beings based purely on what they wear on their heads. As such without further ado here is such a list.

1) Dead Animals - This could be anything from a spoddik to a shtreimel and it basically provides a strong warning for me to stay far far away. That is unless I feel like living in 18th century white Russia while singing german drinking tunes with my eyes closed.

2) Black velvet - Though obviously there are frum people who wear black velvet kippot, the majority of the time such head-wear is found accompanying tight white shirts and even tighter shiny dark pants. Not to mention ridiculously pointy shoes and intensely sleezy eyes. Ahhh shababnikim - you and your arsim ways!

3) Black Velvet With 'Yechei Adonani' Around The Rim - Idolators. No thanx.

4) Giant White Rebbe Nachman - Damn it, I'd totally rule these boys out for being nonsensical except that they make ridiculously good dance music (...errr...that I listen to ironically...).

5) Giant Kippa Sruga -Let me guess, you're 24, have three kids, live in a caravan and sleep with your gun. But if I told you that Rav Kook was my great (great?) uncle you'd have to be impressed.

6) Regular Kippa Sruga - so many patterns and colours and styles and locations on the head. I'm a bit of a fan of the right on the top of the head situation, like nati from srugim. The only issue here is that either you're already married or you won't be until you're 30 and have finished the 7 degrees you seem to need before getting a real job. Nevertheless my heart beats a little bit quicker every time you re-arrange that crocheted circle atop your talmud filled head.

7) The Tiny Sruga - Yeah we get it, you're lost. Your parents don't know what to do with you and all you want is to go to India, smoke pot and 'experiment.'

8) Plain Leather - From a frum fam and has gone to yeshiva but doesn't really care that much. You drink alot, mess around with girls, eat out occasionally and are forgetful of the laws of shabbat. But when you hit your late 20s all you'll want is a 19 year old virginal aidel maidel who makes wicked deli role and wouldn't dream of being anything other than a physio/occupational/music therapist.

9) Printed Leather - American Modox, comes with accompanying basketball shorts and too loud obnoxious accent.

10) The Girls Kippa - Ok I'll admit that I'm not so well versed in these but I'm going to assume that it comes with a matching floral tallit.

11) Shiny White - and I almost forgot the awkwardly perched free kippot worn by estranged cousins to weddings. It's so uncomfortable and adorable. Loves it!

12) Hats - Another soft spot of mine. Straw hats, old man hats, faux-communist military hats. It says - hey babe, wanna hear my haiku based on bava metzia that I remixed with dubstep? *melt*

As such I feel like I've successfully avoided any nuance or depth and managed to fit a large number of people into very rigid boxes based purely on their yarmulke with little concern for the complexities of human self-definition.

Good job Ms.B!

Sabradom!

To update you folks on my progress of israelification I have reached a new level of sabradom.

I now tell people off. People I don't know. In the middle of the street.

And. I. LOVE. It.

It all started on my first day here. I had to go to the bank. It was the middle of summer, I was jetlagged and there was only one cashier working. So I waited in line. And I waited and I waited. Then finally I was first in line. Suddenly another cashier opened! So I stepped forward to be served only to be overtaken by a haredi guy from the back of the line!

I was so hot and tired and grumpy that I laid straight into him! I told him that it was unfair what he was doing. That I was next in line. I've been waiting here patiently.That as a religious man he should know better. That immediately after tisha b'av he should behave better. That by doing this he's contributing to sinat chinam (baseless hatred). And that by contributing to sinat chinam he's perpetuating the destruction of the temple and delaying the coming of moshiach.

Damn straight I showed him.

But I still had to wait till he was done before I was served since he doesn't speak to women or listen to them when they yell at him in public places.

Since that first taste I've been hooked.

I yell at Arabs who whistle at me on the street. I tell them not to be like animals but to behave with self respect and treat themselves and other people with the respect they deserve.

I yell at teenage boys who ask me if I can get them cigarettes or beer telling them that its not good for them, that they should look after themselves and that it's illegal.

I even yelled at a boy on my bus who consistently wears sexually explicit and misogynistic t-shirts telling him that there are children on public transport and that those t-shirts are not appropriate for outside of the house.

In short I yell at anyone, any where, any time.

So if you need somebody to be chastised... you know who to call.

The Secret Life Of Men

It's been a while since we've had a post shabz post. So here's a return to tradition with something out of the ordinary.

On Friday night I was initiated to a secret society. The have a secret language. Secret handshakes. Secret privileges. Most people aren't allowed in. But I got a sneak peak.

OK you got me. It's not so secret. But I was at a dinner where I was the only girl and I feel like I got an intense insight into the male brain.

And to clarify, by male brain we mean early 20s yeshiva student brain. But still... it was interesting.

One of my first discoveries was that contrary to popular opinion boys can cope without meat. These young men chose to have a vegetarian shabbat meal, much to my pleasure. Additionally they cooked the meal themselves and it was no average meal. Mushroom soup, quiche, a million types of cheese and halva and a giant salad with fruit in it. FRUIT! Though the give away that it was a man-meal could be the abundant amounts of beer and whiskey consumed through the course of the evening. Though that was very nice too.

Furthermore the conversation topics were delightful. They discussed what type of weddings they'd like (traditional, naturist, small...etc) and then they discussed torah for abit (obviously from an academic perspective) and then there was a discussion of women as communal leaders (shlichei tzibbur or rabbis). They consistently had adorably open-minded and well considered opinions. When the topic of rape was brought up, one of the gentlemen found the topic so offensive he asked that we discuss something else. What a mentch!

All in all these man-boys liked women b/c they liked humanity and they liked torah b/c they liked learning and truth.

This dinner gave me hope that even though the majority of jewboys are really just bigoted mummies boys there are those who are a beacon of hope in flowing tzitzit for us all.

Amen brother.

Why I Hate Karaoke

It's time for an oldie but a goodie.

When I was in primary school I was in the school choir. I was in the school musicals. I sang at speech night. But I was consistently disappointed that my best friend got the solos.

Bless my parents for giving me such high self-esteem. It took a very long time for me to understand why I was always at the back of the choir far far away from a microphone.

Indeed not until I was 19 and walking home from shule did it all become apparent. I avoided my father's shule like a plague of very old boring men and as such I has a long lonesome walk home on shabbat mornings. With no ipod to entertain myself, I would sing. Mainly shabbat songs but occasionally some Oasis or John Mayer (don't judge me, it was my pre-hipster days). In my street there are a number of old age homes. In front of one of them is a bench. And on that fateful shabbat morning on that bench was parked the tuchus of a certain old man.

Being fully absorbed in my musical extravaganza I didn't even register his presence until I heard a "excuse me young lady would you mind not doing that?"

I stop. Turn to face him and considering how I lived in the ghetto I assumed he was referring to kol isha.

I politely replied saying "sorry, I didn't mean to be inappropriate or to disturb."

The old man smiled and pointed to his kippa saying "Oh, it's not because of this."

He then rolls up his sleeve and says "It's just that I'VE SUFFERED ENOUGH IN MY LIFE" and with that he points to the tattoo he has on his inner arm.

And so I realised that my singing is pretty bad. Quite terrible actually. Bad enough to disturb partially deaf old men.

To disturb old holocaust survivors.

My singing is like a GENOCIDE.

From that day on, I swore, never again.

As a side issue, note the feline themed pictures, I'm preparing for my life as a cat-lady.

Abandoning The Sisterhood?

So to be honest, I’m a bad feminist.

First, I’ll tell you the external reasons that would make Mary Wollstonecraft turn in her grave and then I’ll tell you the internal ones that would make Tamar Ross shudder.

Firstly, as you know, I'm domestic. Cooking, cleaning, crocheting, the whole deal. I’d prefer to do any of those tasks rather than play contact sports or go hunting. I wear make-up and am pretty scrupulous with grooming.

Additionally from a religious perspective I’m a bad feminist. I wear skirts. Even when exercising. Necklines and sleeves to the letter. I’ve never layned, never been a shaliach tzibbur and I don’t always do a women’s zimun. Yes, I’m going to be a lawyer but a family lawyer for goodness sake. I’ll spend all my time arguing over who gets the kids and then getting paid like a teacher (who am I kidding I could probably work as a garbage collector and get paid more than a teacher here, and get more respect).

It doesn’t get much better when we take a look inside my head. Sometimes staying at home appeals to me. Making quilts, knitting jumpers, baking my own bread. Not having to compete for grades. Not having to write essays or finish readings. Not having the pressure of having to be financially independent. I could just get somebody with a Y chromosome to pay for all my stuff. All the decisions could be made by him. I wouldn't have to pick how much of my income to invest and where. I wouldn't have to work out tax stuff (tax...ewww).

I suppose that sometimes I can't be bothered fighting for equality. Is it really worth all my effort everyday trying to be taken seriously? Can I really be bothered telling another person off on the bus? I could work 60 hour weeks but I still won't get paid the same amount as a guy working half that. I could know shas off by heart and hilchot shabbat from the tur to ovadia yosef but I still won't be a Rabbi. Sometimes it just too hard.

Sometimes I just want to take the easy way out. To just be a nice maidel. To give in to patriarchy.

The truth is though, that you can never go home. A woman once educated can't forget what she's learnt. A person once liberated can't go back to slavery. Once you've been to the knesset you can't go back to the kitchen.

Sorry Ms. De Beauvoir. I'll try harder.

Maybe I'll start by changing my blog to the marital-status-neutral littleMSbogan?

Nothing but trouble

Ok I get it.

Secular girls love religious boys. Despite my many many many blog posts complaining about how they r mummies boys, they are closed minded and judgmental dem secular girls just can't resist.

All they want is they want is a boy who is essentially already their father.

Responsible. Reliable.

Concerned about the future. Couldn't possibly cheat on you. Bullied and fussed about by a middle aged woman.

I get that it's nice to see a boy who cares about things. He prays. He has self control. He obviously wants a family and won't be pressuring you into sex any time soon. Heck, he blushes just thinking of holding your hand.

I get it secular girls. But you are wrong.

Dem religious boys are nothing but trouble.

Trouble in a polo shirt, kippa and double knotted laces.

But for those of you who enjoy swooning please see http://gabydunn.com/post/2083903661/jewz

(obvz my fave in ginger jew)

And for an oldie but a goodie feel free to return to http://breakthedrought.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/religious-boys/

Beit Lechem

So as was previously stated last Tuesday I went to Beit Lechem.

Here are 10 things that I learnt from that trip.

1) Catholics and Orthodox Christians are theologically very similar but they really really don't like each other and sometimes resort to violence

2) Beit Lechem has the church of the nativity which is where people think Jesus was born.

3) Jesus was actually born in Nazareth but people like to say he was from Beit Lechem so to establish that he's from the Davidic line and could be the Messiah.

4) Jesus was not born in a barn but was actually born in a cave.

5) The separation fence (apartheid wall) is pretty ugly and scary and bad for Palestinian business, but it also serves as a great canvass for street art and movie projections.

6) Beit Lechem is clean, well developed, organised and beautiful.

7) Bethlemites are polite, cheerful and friendly.

8) The university does not have a security check to enter (very different to Hebrew U) it is also aesthetically stunning and has lots of student life.

9) German Lutheran Pastors are the shiz.

10) Sometimes in life you are pleasantly surprised.

Martha Stewart

I have a dirty little secret.

I’m a domestic goddess.

I cook.

I clean.

I bake.

I crochet.

I sew.

Every person who walks into my house must have something to eat. If you don’t I’ll fill a little container with food and insist that you take it with you for the road.

It’s not a healthy situation. I have to hide this addiction. This is because religious boys love a domesticated girl. They want a replacement mother.

But I don’t want to be anybody’s mum. I don’t want to have to deal with the affection of boys who confuse hunger for love. I want somebody to like me for my brain, and then they get pleasantly surprised that they also get sushi salad and banana bread as a bonus.

So if anybody asks I don’t even know what a kitchen is.

Arabesque

Here’s a story for you folks playing at home.

I was taking a bus home on Saturday night from Givat Ze’ev (a settlement near Jlem). The bus weaves in and out of the settlement. At some point a couple of arab boys got on the bus. Just as the bus was about the re-enter the settlement it was stopped at the gate and the guard stepped on. He looked at each person on the bus and then stopped in front of the arab boys. He then got into a discussion with them (I wasn’t really listening) but it was evident that he didn’t want them coming into the yishuv. After about 10 minutes of tooing and froing the bus driver got involved and it was settled that the arabs could stay on the bus as long as the guard would stay on the bus with them until it leaves the yishuv, which was roughly 1 minute, as it circles the roundabout at the entrance to the yishuv picked up one passenger and then left to return to Jlem.

Disgraceful.

The thing is, if you asked the shomer he may say you can’t trust them, they may be terrorists.

The other thing is, if you asked the arab boys they may say that they’re terrorists b/c of Israeli oppression.

Sounds kinda cyclic to me.

p.s. 10 points if you get the pic.

p.p.s. I'm going to Beit Lechem today

Girl Talk has a new album out

Finally! It’s happened!

I fit in!

After 6 weeks of university in a foreign country, I finally feel like I have friends. It took a loooong time because of a couple of reasons. Firstly, law students are snobs, I wasn’t so friendly with them in Australia either, but here there’s a few here or there and now it’s all swell. Additionally, there was the language issue. Even though I can speak Hebrew fine, I’m not really funny or bubbly in Hebrew like I am (or think I am) in English. Also it takes more guts to strike up a conversation with a stranger in a foreign language. But I’ve done it.

Yay!

Apart from finally having people to hang with and wave to in the corridors, this occurrence has lead to some interesting conversations.

One of them in particular happened today.

So some background; I’m in a beit midrash about 15 hours a week for a scholarship. It’s going pretty well; it has religious people and secular people and boys and girls. It’s a dream.

So today during seder I was at a table of only girls. And for some reason while considering the Talmudic discussion of ‘an eye for an eye’ we began discussing the boys in the program.

It was hilarious.

I felt like I was back in Melbourne in Bnei Akiva or Mizrachi. The girls complained that there’s a heap of boys and girls the right age, background and interests and they just aren’t dating each other. The girls, as per usual, blamed the boys saying they are too shy or cowardly to ask out the girls.

Amazing.

My raindance

Ahhhh, I love the smell of zionism in the morning.

Today was a national day of fasting and prayer in order to break the drought and bring the winter rains. You see, its around 30 degrees everyday here despite the fact that winter should have started about 2 months ago. Not good. So various Rabbis and the like decided in leiu of calling choni and his maagal (JFGI) to follow massechet taanit and have a fast day.

Look, it's not like I know if/think these things work but it's cool to see the country doing something that has gone largely unpracticed for millenia but revived right from the pages of the gemara.

Ok. So maybe it's just me that likes that.

In any case sabbatical salutations

Sleuthing

So how wrong is it exactly to stalk people?

I'm not talking about sitting outside their house with binoculars or tracking their comings and goings but some good old fashioned internet/facebook stalkage?

I ask this b/c there is a boy from uni. Yup, there's always a boy. And he seems pretty awesome, but I don't want this to turn out to be a 'I'm not actually Jewish' situation or a 'I'm married with 7 kids' situation or a 'I'm actually a woman' situation. Therefore I decided to so some homework before seducing him with cookies, smiles and witty repartee.

I've since gotten abit out of control.

Here's a list of things I now know about him.

• His blog
• The name of the band he's in
• His highschool
• His parents’ names
• His parents’ professions
• His siblings’ names
• His siblings’ professions
• The yeshivot he went to
• The unit he served in for the army

This makes it awkward now when we talk at uni b/c he keeps saying things and I have to pretend to not know said information and be interested and ask questions b/c it'd be totally creepy for me to be like.... I know.... now please have my babies.

I think I may need some sort of stalkers anonymous support group to get over this addiction.

If not I may actually end up being one of those crazy people who show up to places pretending not to know he was going to be there just to seduce him. Seehttp://breakthedrought.wordpress.com/2010/06/20/the-beginning/ for more details.

Free Love

Oh loyal followers of my blog, I have a problem.

I'm very very close to hating Haredim. In fact - if I were to be completely honest - I may have to admit that I already hate them. Very much.

Now, if this hatred was irrational I suspect that I would find it easier to get over, but I have so many good reasons to dislike the Ultra-Orthodox in Israel.

Oh radical fundamentalist Jews - How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

1) I hate that they do not work. There are whole tracts of the gemara and shulchan aruch dedicated to the laws of work - of finance, payments, ownership, employment and loans - and they weren't just written for you to study. They were written so that people can work in an ethical manner. Rambam himself was a doctor, Rashi had a vineyard and the Chofetz Chayim ran a grocery. And these were incredible minds who contributed enormous amounts to our literary wealth. You, the average haredi thinker - what brilliant commentaries on the talmud or chumash are you producing while you don't work? I admit that there's a place for the non-earners, just like there's a place in society for academics. But not everybody gets to spend their whole lives at university unless they are gifted and producing works themselves. So to the haredi masses I say - Get a JOB!

2) I hate the way they treat women. Women can't speak in public. Women can't learn Torah. Women can't have autonomy over their bodies. Ultimately the way pornography relates to women is the same way that haredim see them. In both worlds women are sexualized and seen as a source of temptation. The difference is that pornography attempts to embrace/exploit it while the haredi world attempts to cover/hide from it with head shaving, tights and ponchos. But ultimately in both worlds women are merely dehumanized sex objects.

3) I hate the way they don't serve in the army. Now I know this may make me a little bit hypocritical since I'm not serving in the army. I'll accept that criticism, however, that still doesn't make it ok for an entire sect of the Israeli population, many of whom support the settlements or even live in the west bank (betar illit is the fastest growing settlement) to benefit from the security provided by the nation's youth without contributing to it themselves. Not ok.

4) I hate what they've done to Judaism. Halacha, Torah and Judaism are very important to me and it hurts me to see what they do to it. They make it look like a religion of ignorance, of selfishness, of extremism, of violence and intolerance. To me Judaism is peace, education, morality and comprised of many different expressions and facets. Not everything is black and white. More than that, the more stringent opinion isn't always the right one. Every time they riot and throw acid/rocks/human faeces they desecrate Hashem's name. Seriously, not ok.

So with all these reasons why does it bother me that I hate them?

Well for two reasons -

Firstly, nothing gets solved with hatred. If I want to fix the situation, I'm going to have to understand and accept the haredim. And then help them change and grow.

Secondly, I believe that the temple was destroyed because of Sinat Chinam (baseless hatred) and that it will be rebuilt because of Ahavat Chinam (baseless love). Irrespective of my views on the temple and animal sacrifices and the like, if we consider the messianic era as just a super happy good time in history, it makes scene that love and not hate will bring this.

So I'm gonna work on loving dem haredim.

Maybe free hugs will be a good start?

Doing Herzl Proud

Classes have been interrupted multiple times in the past week. This is because there's been heaps of demonstrations by the university students. When there are demonstrations it's not just a minorty of passionate students who participate while the apathetic majority look on. Instead it's the general student body, as one.

Pretty swell I reckon.

They are prostesting about stipends given to yeshiva students for their studies while the university students, who serve in the army, pay taxes, work, study and contribute to the state in a much more tangible manner do not receive. It's, like totally, not fair.

Although I agree that the students deserve the money and that yeshiva students probably don't, what I like about the protests the most is that it demonstrates high levels of grass roots participation and youth empowerment. It's generally super inspiring.

Yay for modern chalutziut!

Rockin' The Suburbs

I grew up as a member of a vibrant ethnic minority in Australia. My childhood included easter eggs and camping on Christmas. My time at university was marked by explaining to many lecturers that once again I will not be able to attend lectures/tutorials because yes, this week, again, we have another festival, again. Oh and explaining to my employers at the bakery that I won't be able to work for a week because I can't go near bread because G-d said so.

I was told over and over again not to drink with non-Jews, not to date non-Jews and that if you marry a non-Jew you die.

However, now I'm in Israel. I'm part of the majority. More then that, I'm white(ish) and come from the upper-middle class. Essentially, I belong to the privileged.

The non-discriminated.

The roles are now reversed. When I asked my Arab classmates if they wanted to hang out after Ulpan they were declining because their families didn't like them mixing with the Jews too much. Now my religious festivals are the national holidays and Ramadan and Easter are exceptions to the rule.

On the one hand this is awesome.

On the other hand.... I'm abit uncomfortable.

It's weird to me that people who make up 20% of the population (Arabs) and who've been Israeli citizens for 3 or 4 generations are still invisible in academia, entertainment and politics.

I cringe when I see that the all Jewish law library is being cleaned exclusively by Arabs.

I prefer not to think that there are separate Jewish and Arab buses, schools and neighborhoods in Jerusalem.

Thank goodness I'm a woman so I don't feel the full brunt of white upper-middle-class male guilt.

Hail Mary.

By The Way...

By the way... you should know that I'm religious.

I get the feeling in my life that I need a badge declaring for the world that I'm an orthodox Jewess. I need one because despite the skirts and the sleeves and the necklines people still don't get that I'm religious.

Or even when they ask me and I answer "yes" they reply with "yeah, but you're not really."

By that I assume they mean that I think and talk and dress and think. And THINK. Also that I'm interested in film, music, poetry, fashion and philosophy and apparently religious people just aren't into that stuff.

So why does this bother me so much?

Because I actually understand why people think I'm not religious - sometimes I forget that I'm religious myself.

Additionally, I actually prefer the company of the secular. In particular, secular boys.

This is because they don't look at you with the starving eyes of a man who hasn't touched female flesh since he was 15 when his rabbi bribed him with pizza to make a promise that he will no longer touch girlies or himself. But at the same time religious boys never tell you that you look nice. They never reckon that you are wearing a wicked top or interesting shoes.

Secular boys on the other hand have learnt the art of the compliment.

But wait, there's more...

• Secular boys aren't always trying to evaluate your abilities as a breeder.
• Secular boys aren't scared of the fact that you study law.
• Secular boys aren't afraid that you wear colour.
• Secular boys won't judge you for drinking beer.
• Secular boys are ok with you being left-wing.

But there's also less...

• Secular boys don't get that you can't go out on friday night
• Secular boys don't get that Rambam is a top bloke.
• Secular boys don't get that you're not doing all this because of your family but because you made an informed and active volition to live a religious life.

Shit, now I've ruled out both brands of boys.

Shit.

The Age of Reason

So I've recently been to a couple of outings to the 'swamp/bitza' of Katamon J'lem. There, the natives engage in long and arduous mating rituals that are consistently unsuccessful. Which begs the question - why are these otherwise (mostly) lovely human beings epicly failing at finding a spouse?

This situation is particularly strange when we consider the status of non-religious 30-year-olds. These folks are almost always either married or in steady relationships. So why are their G-d fearing counterparts whiling away their nights alone, cold, in the dark, crying themselves to sleep?

I will tell you.

Shomer Nagia.

You see, religious people fall into two categories relationship-wise. Those that are young and naive and stupid and get married when they are 20 to somebody they've known for 3 hours (kidding... 3 months but same dif) and those that are 30 with 3 degrees, 2 jobs and live in Katamon.

That's it.

Two categories.

Take. Your. Pick.

This is where being Shomer Nagia messes with the situation. Because when you don't touch somebody you have to analyse the situation reasonably and a rationally. You simply can't get swept away with the moment and romance. As such you don't spend your dates holding hands and other appendages rather you ask your suitor responsible questions about their childhood, ideal parenting style and top three rabbis. Accordingly, if you over analyse any person or any relationship without the happy hormones from touching, you're probably going to come to the conclusion that you should run fast before you're trapped in a kitchen surrounded by children (see post on procreation regarding my fear of very young people).

This is however, unless you are young and stupid and naive and therefore willing to tie yourself to another human being and essentially place a significant part of your future wellbeing and happiness in their hands. You would only do that if you don't think about it too much.

The same goes for non-religious folks. They are so high on hot sex that they fail to notice that behind that ripped chest of a greek god is a vacuous self-absorbed mummy's boy. And that's why they manage to get themselves married or into relationships.

Only the religious who do not fall into holy matrimony at the age of gullibility fail to enter coupledom b/c they are simply thinking too much.

But its not their fault. G-d made them do it.

Grrr. G-d.

The Rules

Men of Jerusalem - in case there was some confusion, b/c it seems you don't know what's required of you - here are my expectations...

1) You are to call me to ask me out - do not text me

2) You are to call me with a date plan: where, when, what, who...

3) The day after the date you are to contact me - here I'm lenient and a txt will suffice - however if you want to ask me for another date or to let me know you don't want another date - a phone call is necessary

For now these are the basic requirements to get a first or second date with me. If you do not abide by them do not expect me to meet up with you, b/c I won't. Soz babez.

How I am not a Man

I’ve recently spent at least 10 hours studying the laws of war. I will be spending at least another 40 hours studying this topic before December. This experience has taught me a very important lesson.

First: that sometimes it doesn't matter if the lecture is in English, you can still have no idea what's flying.

Second: I am not a man.

As much as I am in many ways just as component as a man and have the same natural entitlements and obligations as a man when it comes to violence we are talking about apples and oranges.

I am quite simply not violent. I will never use force to get what I want. Additionally I have never been nor am I likely to ever be in an army or a war. As such, the world of perpetrating violence is not my world and I can't understand it.

Now if we want to talk about victims of violence I get it. Without actually having experienced any significant violence against myself, I still know what it’s like to be afraid and know that I have no real means of defence.

I know that this is not the experience of all women. Obviously not. The fact that I’m 5 ft nothing and just a smidge over 50 kgs and generally adorable makes me inherently vulnerable. But additionally violence simply wouldn’t be an efficient method for me to get what I want and that’s why I use other methods to get my way. Like smiling, hair twirling or logical arguments. I don’t think ever about using violence and I can’t understand people who do use it. It simply doesn’t run through my decision making process ever. Even if other people threaten violence with me, counter violence doesn’t even play in my mind as a means of defence.

As such, there is a whole part of the world, of the man’s world, that is not part of my world. Now this realisation is significant in two ways

1) It’s something, which is at least partly biological (though also cultural) that differentiates me from the masculine, this is an uncommon reality b/c in most other ways I am the same as men, b/c ultimately we are all just people

2) I probably cannot be a human rights lawyer, at least where human rights relate to war or conflicts. B/c I just don’t get violence or war. I don’t understand it and hence would make a totally shit lawyer in this area. Goodbye potential job opportunities in the middle-east.

So does it bother me to not be a violent man? Not really. But it would be nice if even men weren’t violent in the first place.

Announcements

Men of Jerusalem I have a few important announcements for you.

1) If you are married you must wear a wedding ring. If you do not - you are a tease. Particularly if you are wearing a kippa. Seriously, if you led people in other areas into believing that you are, say a doctor or rich, you would be sued and people may die, the same should apply (minus the people dying part) if you are married but do not indicate that in any way. How else am I meant to know who to smile at or invite to my study group (if ya know what I mean ;p)

2) Do not pause mid-conversation with me to check out a girls tits and then say 'G-d, that was awesome.' I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory. Don't be gross.

3) If you are a native English speaker and I'm speaking to you in English and I know you speak English because we are discussing your childhood in America, speak to me in English. Seriously, don't pretend that you've forgotten our mother language, because you live in Katamon and learnt at a Chutznik yeshiva, we both know you still speak English. You're not fooling anyone, except maybe yourself. Fool.

4) Man-bags are not an appropriate accessory. You have pockets, use them! You should not need anything more than phone-keys-wallet and therefore should not need a bag. But if you must, it may be a stachel, but a small murse is not ironic, it's just lame.

There you have it folks - two posts in one day - am I a good blogger or what?

The Hebrew University of Jerusalem

I sincerely apologise for the more than week long absence. To make it up to you I'll fin you in on my life.

I have now started studying Law at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. I've already told y'all about my subjects and how ridiculously excited I was to start so I wont go into all that again.

But I will tell you about the exchange program, about my classes and peers and about being a little bit older now.

There are 8 of us in the exchange program. 4 Danes, 3 Australians and one Spaniard (Catalan). Only the Australians are Jewish and speak Hebrew. Only I am taking half my courses in Hebrew. Additionally, I'm the only one staying for a year, which means that next semester I will be the only exchange student in the entire faculty. The Europeans are struggling very much for the following reasons - housing here is very expensive, everything is disorganized, nobody is patient or polite and they can't communicate with anybody b/c they don't speak Hebrew. If asked I'd say they are probably not having a great time just yet. Which is a shame but well... welcome to the middle east.

Regarding myself, well university is absurdly hectic. I'm taking 6 subjects, three in Hebrew and three in English. Additionally I got a position on the university kollel, which means I get paid to learn Torah but it also means that some days I'm at university for more than 13 hours. I also volunteered to teach a bit of Torah which means additional hours at university. In total I'm at university for 50 hours a week. Compared to the maybe 10 hours a week I had at university in Australia.

However, I mean like, that's what I'm here to do. Go to university. In oz I was distracted by my many extracurricular activities and here I have the opportunity to be a real student and to participate in university fully. So I'll see how it goes.

I have to say that it is absurdly pleasant to be attending a university full of Jews and that there are enough kippa wearing individuals that I no longer count how many are in my lecture theater. Then again - I suppose that's not very different to my uni in Oz.

I also had my birthday over the weekend. Which means that I am now 22. The age at which my mother entered her marriage. But then again she always says that she was too young, so I don't really feel the pressure, particularly given my previous post on my ambivalence to procreation.

I had friends over for shabbat dinner for my birthday - it was generally wonderful and I had a couple of my friends sleep over so it was a 25 hour celebration of my birth. It brought me much joy.

Finally, I have another date later this week with another boy. This one is another american (exhale of exasperation) studies engineering at Tel Aviv and teaches gemara at Machon Meir. The US thing and the Machon Meir thing don't bide well, but he is good looking so worst comes to worst I'll just tune out, smile and nod and appreciate his bone structure and complexion.

With that, I hope you've all forgiven me for my tardy postage,

Cheers, Miss.B

Procreation

I do not like children. Yes, I'm aware that I have ovaries and that I like to cook and crochet and wear skirts, all of which would imply that I like children. But I do not like children.

Here's why.

Children are evil.

Now don't get all huffy about this. I also think that adults are evil because humanity is pretty shit. Human beings consistently murder, rape, steal, beat, mutilate, humilate or simply don't care. Because people suck.

By this I mean people are just pretty selfish so if it's in their interests then they'll do shit things. But otherwise, as we can see around us, we tend to behave kinda ok.

This is because most adults have learnt to hide their selfish evil tendecies. We know that we won't have any friends if we don't share, that if we are constantly backstabbing that we won't get that promotion at work and if we rape, pillage and murder we'll probably go to prison (at least in

the western world).

Children on the other hand have not yet learnt to hide their selfish tendencies. Indeed they have basically no empathy for other human beings. All they care about are their own needs with no regard for the feelings of others. Many times they don't even realise that other people have feelings.

Please see http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-reveals-most-children-unrepentant-sociop,2870/ for more details about how evil children are.

This understanding about humanity led me for many years to be ambivalent about procreation. The world sux b/c people suck so why would I want to contribute to that by making more people, or on the odd chance that my offspring aren't evil why would I want them to have to deal with all of this?

But then again, I'm an Orthodox Jewess and dem Jews love dem babies.

Luckiliy I recently had a change of heart (sort of).

See not everybody behaves badly all the time. In fact people sometimes to really good things. But first they need to be taught whats good and bad. Now I don't want to be a teacher. But even if I did I don't think our school staff really give over moral lessons in any real way. It's mainly learnt at home.

So if I want there to be good people in the world then I have to make them myself (and a little help from Mr.Donor and Medicare...jj...or am I?)

On an additional level all the good work that I'll hopefully do as a family lawyer (divorce - yay!) will probably not have the same lasting impact on the world as creating awesome people will. This is because (if everything goes to plan) awesome people make more awesome people and then after a few generations we have an army and can take over the world! Conquor! Name me your Queen! All hail Queen Bogan! Tremble before me!

Stam.

But this is a message to you all: have babies (in moderation) and raise them right, it'll be much better for tikkun olam than all the recycling and vegan cheese in the world.

Simchat Torah

I'd like to start this off by stating that Simchat Torah is not a real chag. I'm really happy that we've finished the reading the Torah for the year. I'm sad that Moses has died and excited that the world is about to be created but my idea of celebration doesn't include being sweated on by 500 hairy hippies in a bombshelter-shule.

And therefore I bailed on a lot of Simchat Torah.

But don't go feeling sorry for me b/c of all the chaggim we've had these past few weeks Simchat Torah was my favorite. Here's what I did.

I had people over on Wednesday night. The food (if I do say so myself) was amazing.

• apple and fennel salad
• thai salad
• sushi salad (as always)
• Vietnamese rice rolls
• lasagna
• mushroom quiche
• pomegranate quinoa
• assorted roast veggies

and for dessert peanut butter and chocolate slice.

The guests were wonderful and amusing and they got on surprisingly well with each other. I didn't get to bed till 3am b/c we were chatting so much.

The next day we walked to Shira Chadasha on Emek Refaim which is a very long walk (40 mins) but it was wonderful to get out of Nachlaot and see the rest of Jlem, particularly the wealthier suburbs of Rechavia and Katamon.

After that we took the leftovers and went to Gan Sacher for a picnic and there we stayed watching the natives till sunset. All in all it was a magical day.

Last night the fun continued at the most ridiculously indie locations in Jlem (lets see if you are cool enough to know them)

• Sira
• Heder V'Hetzi
• Uganda (which had an amazing band playing as well a new Turkish beer)

For shabz I'm off to Netanya to catch up with a ex-Melbourne Sherut girl, am pretty excited to be by the coast.

The coming week I'm giving a shiur on Kibbutz Sde Eliyahu on Sunday, I'm not sure what to do then on Monday and Tuesday but on Wednesday I start university. Pishing myself with excitement would be an understatement.

With that am off to Netanya, I'll send your regards to the sunshine and sand and sherut girls,

Shabbat Shalom, Miss.B

Texting

So I'm here to brag. About how awesome and competent I am.

Here's the story.

American friend: So I have this guy for you who's really smart and funny and good-looking and religious and lives in Israel. Can I give him your numba?

Me: 4 shiz.

And so Mr.Minty (as he shall be known to you folks) called and organised a date.

He doesn't live in J'lem so I agreed to pick the location for the date. (In case u were wondering I picked Tmol Shilshom)

I was not looking forward to this date at all. I've been on enough set-ups, particularly with Americans, to know that I always get thrown the freaks. The boys who only read puritan 17th century political theory, the boys who won't eat anything that's not white, the boys who will calmly tell you that Arabs are technically not human and the boys that complain about their mum on the first date.

So I went into the date with a begrudging heart.

But I came out with a happy one.

It was a really good date. He genuinely was smart and funny and good looking and religious. And all in the the right ways. By that I mean he was quirky good-looking (ie: a beard) and smart in a people and philosophy way not a nanotechnology way and funny in a sarcasm and irony way and religious in a 'I-practice-orthodoxy-but-I-think-Heresy' kinda way, ie: the best ways.

With him, I sat down with a total stranger and sat in a cafe and discussed religion and politics and philosophy for over 4 hours without looking at my watch or discussing any usual first date topics.

Ridiculous.

Now this was 3 days before Rosh Hashana.

So on the first day after the date I checked my phone about once an hour for the call.

On the second day after the date I checked my phone around meal times for the call.

On the third day after the date (erev chag) I sent him a txt wishing him a shana tova.

He replied with similar wishes. So we know that his phone works.

After the 3 day chag (by which time I was already irritated that he wouldn't have called me on the hour every hour prior to chag to sing my praises) I received a text from Mr.Minty asking me to the Israel Museum on chol hamoed sukkot. Which was a while away, but since he doesn't live in J'lem and we both had exams until then I graciously agreed.

BUT IT WAS JUST A FREAKING TEXT!

CALL ME YOU BASTARD!

But then I hear nothing from him until a txt this saturday night. That's right, 2 weeks of silence. Grr. The txt asked me if I was cool to go to the museum the nxt day. Now I may or may not have had plans (I did indeed) but that is beside the fact. You cannot ask me out on a date for the next day via txt after 2 weeks of silence.

I DESERVE A BLOODY PHONE CALL!

So I told him I was busy (which was true) and ended the txt with "another time?"

To which he replied "well, on the one hand it's hard to commit to something as amorphous as another time but on the other hand it's easy to commit to something as amorphous as another time"

I did not reply to that.

Instead I did the mature thing and called him.

THAT'S RIGHT - I CALLED HIM!

In this phone conversation I presented him with my understanding of the situation which was the following. The he was a nice guy and I'm a nice girl. However, he was texting me b/c he liked me enough to maybe see me if he was already in j'lem and had a lot of spare time, but not enough to call me to talk or to call me to organize a proper date, or even dates at all. Lord knows why he didn't like me enough for that but cest la vie. He also wasn't too keen on calling me to clarify that he didn't really want to go on another proper date with him. He agreed with my conclusion and seemed surprised that 1) I even realised that was what was going on and 2) that I had the guts to tell him that I knew what was going on.

In the end we agreed that nobody was going to be upset if we didn't go on another date. That maybe sometime down the line we may be friends and that communication is a super good idea.

All's well that end well. And hence my bragging. B/c I am the awesome chick who didn't let herself get strung along with texts and half-dates bi-monthly and who was competent enough to call him to let him know that she is too awesome to be strung along.

The lesson from this is the following: If somebody wants you they will call you, they will send carrier pigeons and small slave children with tattoos of love for you across their limbs, they will do anything to get in touch with you.

But if they r stringing you along they'll send you a text.

Moadim L'Simcha!

Feast of the Tabernacle

Dearest Blog Addicts, I lied to you all.

When I declared that I was going to Pisgat Zeev I lied. I was actually going to Givat Zeev. There's not a huge difference between them though. So I hope that you will forgive me.

Sincerely, Miss. Bogan.

As a reward for your forgiveness I'll fill you in on my chag. I was at a South African family. The awesome thing about the family is that the grandparents at the age of 80 have just 1 month ago made aliya from Cape Town to a retirement village near Netanya. So it's never too late aye?

On Wednesday night I went with the SAF friend to chill with her mates (who are all boys as it turns out). At the get-together there were a few interesting characters. Let me introduce them to you.

1) Very Skinny Probably Gay Drama/Dance Student

2) Ridiculously Good-Looking Architecture Student Rabbi's Son (remember to breathe ladies)

3) Sephardi Twins.

One of these Sephardi twins is in the army unit where they dress up like arabs and go into Jenin and stuff to gather information. Pretty awesome I reckon. But the best part of the twins is that they r super frum and naive. Which means they asked silly questions about Australia and hence got silly answers. For at least 14 hours they thought that we have kangaroos at home and at school to carry our stuff and that you can't walk along the beach b/c of jumping sharks which will jump out of the water and bite you.

But then the next day I explained to them that it wasn't true.

They were devastated.

For Shabbat I was with the Scandinavian family again in the settlement in the Shomron.

My northern European descended friend and I made pecan pie which was more pecan cake than pie but still reasonably awesome. We returned to the famed local ruins and the swinging bench that swings off a mountain, but joined by a SAF friend of mine and two Israeli friends of his. There we chilled and discussed suicide, apartheid and German philosophy.

My plans for this week are not much, Tel Aviv today, a hike tomorrow, then a music festival by the dead sea and then Simchat Torah.

Moadim, L'simcha y'all.

Happenings

On Monday I had a 5 hour Hebrew exam.

That's right.

5. Hours.

At least 2 of those hours were on grammar exclusively.

Yes, you can mail me your pity via Australia Post.

But now Ulpan is finished. What will I do with myself?

Well, immediately after the exam iI built a sukkah on my mirpeset with my German Lutheran Pastor (GLP for short). And then I went out for Chinese and ran into heaps of people I know, who don't even live in Jerusalem.

Today I went to the Islamic museum with my Ulpan friends and then I went to Kfar Saba for a Brit Mila. Ewww - get ready for a post on child mutilation later.

While on the bus in Kfar Saba I ran into a friend of mine who was on shlichut to the Kollel in my home town. Yup, you can totally tell that Israel only has 5 and abit million Jews in it. There is no escaping everybody you've ever met.

Apart from that - tomorrow I'm off to the sukkot shuk to haggle over a set of the 4 species while being glared at, fondled and sweated on by haredi men.

For chag I'm in Pisgat Ze'ev. Shabbat - who knows?

Finally, the buses in Jlem have changed now from wishing me a 'Shana Tova' to 'Moadim L'Simcha.'

On that note, Chag Sameach!

YK

Howzit peeps?

Hope you all survived 25 hours of no food or drink and that you all managed to recall/repent all your sins despite the memory erasing powers of alcohol.

I was in the holy city of jerusalem for the day of atonement and it was reasonably awesome. Israel in general on YK is exceptional. It really feels like a day of awe.

Every single shop/business is closed. There is not a single car on the road. All the traffic lights are just flashing yellow the whole time. And obviously there are a million cyclists roving the streets in herds taking advantage that there is one day of the year that they are less likely to be road kill.

It was generally amazing to see a city of 500,000 people (in West j'lem) completely close down. I haven't done any research on this at all but I reckon that this is the only country in the world where that happens.

But apart from my wanderings around the town I severely dislike YK. Basically b/c prayer is seriously not my thing. For this I blame Rambam (see Hilchot Yesodei Hatorah for details). Since the whole day is spent praying it's very close to being the most painful thing ever other than me having to watch commercial tv. Masterchef. *Shudder*

And with that - Gmar Hatima Tova to you all, lets see how long we can keep this 'clean from sin' thing going on for k?

hagshama

Howzit ppl?

Get excited b/c for once I have a post that is not a rant!

So I recently signed up for classes for this coming semester at hebrew u. They are following:

1) Jewish Law

2) Family Law

3) International Humanitarian Law

4) Feminism and Halacha

5) Talmud

6) The Israeli Legal system

Studying law in Israel (in Hebrew!!!) is a very exciting thing for me. Indeed studying Halacha and family law is the beginning of something pretty big for me.

I was about 10 when I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. Though my exact words at the time were "I wanna be a bannister." Gosh kids say the darnedest things. Anyways, my parents found it scary too. They kept trying to remind me that I could be a hairdresser or astronaut if I wanted to. My brother was so much less creepy. He just wanted to be the shule lolly man. At about age 12 I decided I wanted to be a family lawyer and at age 14 (though almost 15) I decided that I wanted to make Aliya.

Since then I've had to finish high school, get accepted to law school and become eligible to study here all in the furtherance of these things that I decided I wanted during my childhood.

So how do I feel about what I'm about to do in October? Freaking ecstatic!

This is because I'd some day like to wear a cape to a courtroom and rescue people from terrible marriages and children from manipulative parental power plays all in one swoop while leaping over tall buildings. I'd also like to stick it to the man (this time mainly referring to the rabbanut).

So wish me luck!

Rosh HaShanah

Sorry y'all for the delay in postage but it turns out the new year took a freaking long time to pass and apart from that I have essays and final exams n shite like that atm as well. Yeah, I know, basically my life sux.

But not as much as other people's. And that will be the topic of today's post.

So I was in a Yishuv, that shall not be named, for chag.

Lets just say that almost nobody there does the following things:

1) owns/watches tv

2) reads novels

3) reads newspapers

4) listens to anything other than Eviatar Banai or Miami boys choir

5) goes to university

6) uses contraception

But it could be any yishuv you say? Yeh well, I guess you'll never know then.

Anyways so while I was there I went out to lunch with a ladyfriend of mine. We went to a she-friend of mine who is married to a rabbinical student and is quite pregnant. And very much fulfills the above criteria for settlement resident.

As I was saying, we went there for lunch. Indeed there were 10 people at the festive meal. 5 boys and 5 girls. Of these there were 3 couples. Every single married woman at the table was within a year of her wedding and with child. There were 2 singles of each gender. How convenient.

Now the hostess is quite smart and funny and generally awesome. But not at the table. In fact none of the female participators of the meal said a single thing throughout the entire 4 courses. All they did was clear dishes and replace them with the next course. While the boys sat at the table.

In the kitchen however it was a different story. These young women were funny and smart and insightful. They even had opinions and personalities.

Once or twice I made the mistake of speaking when I had not been spoken to. The entire table went silent and stared until I'd finished speaking and then continued with the conversation. They discussed what I'd said but pretended that I hadn't said it. But rather a voice from the heavens gave that opinion and it was now up to the rabbinical students to interpret it.

Essentially this bothers me because women are people too. When you don't think or don't express yourself, when your options are limited financially, socially, religiously, educationally and by children, it's difficult to live up to your full potential. It's hard to life up to your full humanhood.

Obviously there were other experiences of my new years celebration but that lunch definitely made the strongest impact on me.

Accordingly, I have a bracha for us all. May we all merit and strive to our full potential and contribute to the best of our abilities to making things better. Yay!

Jesus Saves, Jews Invest

There are about 4 Jews in my Ulpan class. There are 5 Arabs and about 9 Christians. It's funny that in the Jewish state I'm still in the minority.

I actually like this mix of people. There are Muslim Arabs who've been fasting for Ramadan and Christian Arabs who like to wear super giant crosses.

The non-Arab Christians are also generally swell. I even have a chevruta on the parsha with one of them. He's studying to become a Lutheran pastor and is super good at Tanach. I'd have to say it's one of the more interesting cherutot that I've ever had.

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the way the Christians view me, Jews and Zionism. Now, the more moderate views are simply that it's great that the Jews have a state and try to live moral lives but in order to really get those divine brownie points they gotta accept Jesus. I suppose that I'm ok with that idea.

The next level up are those Christians who think that the establishment of the state is pretty significantly theologically and would like all the Jews to live in Israel so that when Jesus return we can either accept him and be saved or reject him and be damned. That's a little bit more strange.

The highest level of intenseness are those who reckon that Jews should still be Jewish, should still be shomer torah and mitzvot but should simply also accept Jesus as the messiah. In their logic, and I quote for you directly, "if Chabad can have a messiah and the Breslovers can have a messiah and still be Jewish why can't Jews who believe in Jesus still be Jewish?"

So I've been trying to work out what makes me so uncomfortable with all this. I've decided it's a few things.

First: It's weird to think that the end if nigh. That at any moment the heavens may open up and G-d will pour out his wrath on the non-believers but save the saved. It's just abit nutso to me. I say this with the awareness that yes, there are many Religious Zionist Jews who feel similarly and that I do obviously also want to messiah to come asap. I guess that my concept of the messiah is a little bit more Maimonidean. See his commentary on perek chelek for more details.

Second: It's not ok with me that there's no option for me not to accept Jesus and be saved. Within my religion it's enough that the Non-Jews keep the 7 Noahide laws. Bascially they gotta be monotheist and moral. It's not that hard. There's no need for everybody to be Jewish or accept exactly my beliefs. But with the Christians in my class it annoys me that no matter how moral I am, no matter how much charity I give I'm nevertheless damned b/c I don't accept Jesus as the messiah.

Third: I keep wanting to yell at them "GET YOUR OWN RELIGION!" I think Christianity's inability to actually completely separate from Judaism irritates me. The fact that I (and Jews in general) still hold a significant theological position for Christians irritates me. They're obsessed with knowing Judaism and understanding Jews. But are constantly reading our practices from a Christian perspective and trying to fit us into their understanding of what Judaism is or should be and it grates upon me.

The final issue is that some of these people are very nice. They are funny and sweet and understanding so it's difficult to remain uncomfortable around them. But I nevertheless would very much prefer it if they didn't invite me to come to the Jews for Jesus shul and didn't speak about the Jews being damned during the lunch break.

Lets just stick to the topics of the weather and how much learning hebrew grammar sux, ok folks?

Conserving Judaism

I spent this week's shabbat at Kibbutz Hannaton, the only Conservative (Masorti) kibbutz in Israel. It was my first experience in conservative prayers and community.

As is typical of Israel both for Orthodoxy and Conservative Judaism there is a stronger adherence to traditional practice here than in Chul. But still some things were different. Men and women prayed together in shul with both of them reading from the Torah and being the shaliach tzibbur. Women were also included in the minyan of 10 people. Comfortingly however, the prayers were all in Hebrew and the service was otherwise identical to an Orthodox one.

I'd have to say that I felt really comfortable in the Conservative world. It always seemed obvious to me that women are people too and hence should be included in Jewish practice. I suppose that the only reason why I'm not Conservative is because I really value tradition and slow change. So even though I'd like Orthodoxy to move in the direction of Conservative Judaism, I'll be ok to wait another generation or two just to make sure they we don't change too fast and lose the really important bits of Judaism, for example our thousand year old practices that I reckon are worth preserving.

Other than that it was great to get out of Jerusalem and away from the intensity and hatred and stress and pressure that fills this holy city.

As a side note - the Frenchman is really not ready for religious dating. People are very vulnerable when undergoing conversion and I'd prefer not to get involved in that stuff.

However, I have another date with another American tomorrow night. We'll see how it goes.

Shavua tov

The Frenchman

There is a new boy in my ulpan class. He's French, but not the French boy whose top is so unbuttoned his nipples go flying. This is a new one who just started this week.

Here's what he's like. Tall. Broad. Big dark eyes. Thick wavy hair. Dresses so so well. Nice jeans and button down shirts and suave sunglasses. He speaks French (duh) English, Hebrew and Spanish. He's left-wing but still religious (like davenning in a minyan multiple times a day religious psht psht). He's funny and smart and we have great chemistry.

It's amazing after all these dates I've been on with all these boys how different it is when you just click with somebody. Then there's none of this "O, I guess I'll give them a second date" or "Yeah, they seemed sweet enough..." but no, when it works you just know.

But there's a catch.

There's always a bloody catch.

He's not Jewish.

His mum is Catholic, his dad is Jewish. He was raised as a secular Jew and has recentlyish been reunited with his Judaism. He's converting.

Which raises a couple of issues.

1) Why would you convert? GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!! RUN!!! FLEEE!!!!!

2) What if I get involved with him and he changes his mind?

3) What if I get involved and he becomes haredi/super intense with Judaism b/c of the conversion process?

4) What if the conversion process takes another 5 years?

5)What if he converts and then the haredi rabbanut revokes it?

Anyways, so I'm generally not sure if I want to go out with him now even though he's otherwise supremely awesome.

But if I do want to go out with him how do I make this happen?

I've never ensnared anybody or seduced anybody in my whole life. I have no idea how to make him realise that he's obsessed with me.

My initial idea (please don't judge me too much for this) was to ask to have a chevruta with him. This serves two purposes.

1) I like to learn Torah with interesting people and he seems pretty interesting

2) It'll give him a chance to realise the full extent of my awesomeness and by logical consequence that he's in love with me.

But then I thought that maybe learning Torah with him may intimidate him or make him think I'm too holy to hit on. But I'm not. Hit on me dearest Frenchie!

So now I throw the questions to you folks out there:

1) Do I want to date a person in the process of converting?

2) If I do, how do I make that happen?