Texting

So I'm here to brag. About how awesome and competent I am.

Here's the story.

American friend: So I have this guy for you who's really smart and funny and good-looking and religious and lives in Israel. Can I give him your numba?

Me: 4 shiz.

And so Mr.Minty (as he shall be known to you folks) called and organised a date.

He doesn't live in J'lem so I agreed to pick the location for the date. (In case u were wondering I picked Tmol Shilshom)

I was not looking forward to this date at all. I've been on enough set-ups, particularly with Americans, to know that I always get thrown the freaks. The boys who only read puritan 17th century political theory, the boys who won't eat anything that's not white, the boys who will calmly tell you that Arabs are technically not human and the boys that complain about their mum on the first date.

So I went into the date with a begrudging heart.

But I came out with a happy one.

It was a really good date. He genuinely was smart and funny and good looking and religious. And all in the the right ways. By that I mean he was quirky good-looking (ie: a beard) and smart in a people and philosophy way not a nanotechnology way and funny in a sarcasm and irony way and religious in a 'I-practice-orthodoxy-but-I-think-Heresy' kinda way, ie: the best ways.

With him, I sat down with a total stranger and sat in a cafe and discussed religion and politics and philosophy for over 4 hours without looking at my watch or discussing any usual first date topics.

Ridiculous.

Now this was 3 days before Rosh Hashana.

So on the first day after the date I checked my phone about once an hour for the call.

On the second day after the date I checked my phone around meal times for the call.

On the third day after the date (erev chag) I sent him a txt wishing him a shana tova.

He replied with similar wishes. So we know that his phone works.

After the 3 day chag (by which time I was already irritated that he wouldn't have called me on the hour every hour prior to chag to sing my praises) I received a text from Mr.Minty asking me to the Israel Museum on chol hamoed sukkot. Which was a while away, but since he doesn't live in J'lem and we both had exams until then I graciously agreed.

BUT IT WAS JUST A FREAKING TEXT!

CALL ME YOU BASTARD!

But then I hear nothing from him until a txt this saturday night. That's right, 2 weeks of silence. Grr. The txt asked me if I was cool to go to the museum the nxt day. Now I may or may not have had plans (I did indeed) but that is beside the fact. You cannot ask me out on a date for the next day via txt after 2 weeks of silence.

I DESERVE A BLOODY PHONE CALL!

So I told him I was busy (which was true) and ended the txt with "another time?"

To which he replied "well, on the one hand it's hard to commit to something as amorphous as another time but on the other hand it's easy to commit to something as amorphous as another time"

I did not reply to that.

Instead I did the mature thing and called him.

THAT'S RIGHT - I CALLED HIM!

In this phone conversation I presented him with my understanding of the situation which was the following. The he was a nice guy and I'm a nice girl. However, he was texting me b/c he liked me enough to maybe see me if he was already in j'lem and had a lot of spare time, but not enough to call me to talk or to call me to organize a proper date, or even dates at all. Lord knows why he didn't like me enough for that but cest la vie. He also wasn't too keen on calling me to clarify that he didn't really want to go on another proper date with him. He agreed with my conclusion and seemed surprised that 1) I even realised that was what was going on and 2) that I had the guts to tell him that I knew what was going on.

In the end we agreed that nobody was going to be upset if we didn't go on another date. That maybe sometime down the line we may be friends and that communication is a super good idea.

All's well that end well. And hence my bragging. B/c I am the awesome chick who didn't let herself get strung along with texts and half-dates bi-monthly and who was competent enough to call him to let him know that she is too awesome to be strung along.

The lesson from this is the following: If somebody wants you they will call you, they will send carrier pigeons and small slave children with tattoos of love for you across their limbs, they will do anything to get in touch with you.

But if they r stringing you along they'll send you a text.

Moadim L'Simcha!

Feast of the Tabernacle

Dearest Blog Addicts, I lied to you all.

When I declared that I was going to Pisgat Zeev I lied. I was actually going to Givat Zeev. There's not a huge difference between them though. So I hope that you will forgive me.

Sincerely, Miss. Bogan.

As a reward for your forgiveness I'll fill you in on my chag. I was at a South African family. The awesome thing about the family is that the grandparents at the age of 80 have just 1 month ago made aliya from Cape Town to a retirement village near Netanya. So it's never too late aye?

On Wednesday night I went with the SAF friend to chill with her mates (who are all boys as it turns out). At the get-together there were a few interesting characters. Let me introduce them to you.

1) Very Skinny Probably Gay Drama/Dance Student

2) Ridiculously Good-Looking Architecture Student Rabbi's Son (remember to breathe ladies)

3) Sephardi Twins.

One of these Sephardi twins is in the army unit where they dress up like arabs and go into Jenin and stuff to gather information. Pretty awesome I reckon. But the best part of the twins is that they r super frum and naive. Which means they asked silly questions about Australia and hence got silly answers. For at least 14 hours they thought that we have kangaroos at home and at school to carry our stuff and that you can't walk along the beach b/c of jumping sharks which will jump out of the water and bite you.

But then the next day I explained to them that it wasn't true.

They were devastated.

For Shabbat I was with the Scandinavian family again in the settlement in the Shomron.

My northern European descended friend and I made pecan pie which was more pecan cake than pie but still reasonably awesome. We returned to the famed local ruins and the swinging bench that swings off a mountain, but joined by a SAF friend of mine and two Israeli friends of his. There we chilled and discussed suicide, apartheid and German philosophy.

My plans for this week are not much, Tel Aviv today, a hike tomorrow, then a music festival by the dead sea and then Simchat Torah.

Moadim, L'simcha y'all.

Happenings

On Monday I had a 5 hour Hebrew exam.

That's right.

5. Hours.

At least 2 of those hours were on grammar exclusively.

Yes, you can mail me your pity via Australia Post.

But now Ulpan is finished. What will I do with myself?

Well, immediately after the exam iI built a sukkah on my mirpeset with my German Lutheran Pastor (GLP for short). And then I went out for Chinese and ran into heaps of people I know, who don't even live in Jerusalem.

Today I went to the Islamic museum with my Ulpan friends and then I went to Kfar Saba for a Brit Mila. Ewww - get ready for a post on child mutilation later.

While on the bus in Kfar Saba I ran into a friend of mine who was on shlichut to the Kollel in my home town. Yup, you can totally tell that Israel only has 5 and abit million Jews in it. There is no escaping everybody you've ever met.

Apart from that - tomorrow I'm off to the sukkot shuk to haggle over a set of the 4 species while being glared at, fondled and sweated on by haredi men.

For chag I'm in Pisgat Ze'ev. Shabbat - who knows?

Finally, the buses in Jlem have changed now from wishing me a 'Shana Tova' to 'Moadim L'Simcha.'

On that note, Chag Sameach!

YK

Howzit peeps?

Hope you all survived 25 hours of no food or drink and that you all managed to recall/repent all your sins despite the memory erasing powers of alcohol.

I was in the holy city of jerusalem for the day of atonement and it was reasonably awesome. Israel in general on YK is exceptional. It really feels like a day of awe.

Every single shop/business is closed. There is not a single car on the road. All the traffic lights are just flashing yellow the whole time. And obviously there are a million cyclists roving the streets in herds taking advantage that there is one day of the year that they are less likely to be road kill.

It was generally amazing to see a city of 500,000 people (in West j'lem) completely close down. I haven't done any research on this at all but I reckon that this is the only country in the world where that happens.

But apart from my wanderings around the town I severely dislike YK. Basically b/c prayer is seriously not my thing. For this I blame Rambam (see Hilchot Yesodei Hatorah for details). Since the whole day is spent praying it's very close to being the most painful thing ever other than me having to watch commercial tv. Masterchef. *Shudder*

And with that - Gmar Hatima Tova to you all, lets see how long we can keep this 'clean from sin' thing going on for k?

hagshama

Howzit ppl?

Get excited b/c for once I have a post that is not a rant!

So I recently signed up for classes for this coming semester at hebrew u. They are following:

1) Jewish Law

2) Family Law

3) International Humanitarian Law

4) Feminism and Halacha

5) Talmud

6) The Israeli Legal system

Studying law in Israel (in Hebrew!!!) is a very exciting thing for me. Indeed studying Halacha and family law is the beginning of something pretty big for me.

I was about 10 when I decided I wanted to be a lawyer. Though my exact words at the time were "I wanna be a bannister." Gosh kids say the darnedest things. Anyways, my parents found it scary too. They kept trying to remind me that I could be a hairdresser or astronaut if I wanted to. My brother was so much less creepy. He just wanted to be the shule lolly man. At about age 12 I decided I wanted to be a family lawyer and at age 14 (though almost 15) I decided that I wanted to make Aliya.

Since then I've had to finish high school, get accepted to law school and become eligible to study here all in the furtherance of these things that I decided I wanted during my childhood.

So how do I feel about what I'm about to do in October? Freaking ecstatic!

This is because I'd some day like to wear a cape to a courtroom and rescue people from terrible marriages and children from manipulative parental power plays all in one swoop while leaping over tall buildings. I'd also like to stick it to the man (this time mainly referring to the rabbanut).

So wish me luck!

Rosh HaShanah

Sorry y'all for the delay in postage but it turns out the new year took a freaking long time to pass and apart from that I have essays and final exams n shite like that atm as well. Yeah, I know, basically my life sux.

But not as much as other people's. And that will be the topic of today's post.

So I was in a Yishuv, that shall not be named, for chag.

Lets just say that almost nobody there does the following things:

1) owns/watches tv

2) reads novels

3) reads newspapers

4) listens to anything other than Eviatar Banai or Miami boys choir

5) goes to university

6) uses contraception

But it could be any yishuv you say? Yeh well, I guess you'll never know then.

Anyways so while I was there I went out to lunch with a ladyfriend of mine. We went to a she-friend of mine who is married to a rabbinical student and is quite pregnant. And very much fulfills the above criteria for settlement resident.

As I was saying, we went there for lunch. Indeed there were 10 people at the festive meal. 5 boys and 5 girls. Of these there were 3 couples. Every single married woman at the table was within a year of her wedding and with child. There were 2 singles of each gender. How convenient.

Now the hostess is quite smart and funny and generally awesome. But not at the table. In fact none of the female participators of the meal said a single thing throughout the entire 4 courses. All they did was clear dishes and replace them with the next course. While the boys sat at the table.

In the kitchen however it was a different story. These young women were funny and smart and insightful. They even had opinions and personalities.

Once or twice I made the mistake of speaking when I had not been spoken to. The entire table went silent and stared until I'd finished speaking and then continued with the conversation. They discussed what I'd said but pretended that I hadn't said it. But rather a voice from the heavens gave that opinion and it was now up to the rabbinical students to interpret it.

Essentially this bothers me because women are people too. When you don't think or don't express yourself, when your options are limited financially, socially, religiously, educationally and by children, it's difficult to live up to your full potential. It's hard to life up to your full humanhood.

Obviously there were other experiences of my new years celebration but that lunch definitely made the strongest impact on me.

Accordingly, I have a bracha for us all. May we all merit and strive to our full potential and contribute to the best of our abilities to making things better. Yay!

Jesus Saves, Jews Invest

There are about 4 Jews in my Ulpan class. There are 5 Arabs and about 9 Christians. It's funny that in the Jewish state I'm still in the minority.

I actually like this mix of people. There are Muslim Arabs who've been fasting for Ramadan and Christian Arabs who like to wear super giant crosses.

The non-Arab Christians are also generally swell. I even have a chevruta on the parsha with one of them. He's studying to become a Lutheran pastor and is super good at Tanach. I'd have to say it's one of the more interesting cherutot that I've ever had.

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the way the Christians view me, Jews and Zionism. Now, the more moderate views are simply that it's great that the Jews have a state and try to live moral lives but in order to really get those divine brownie points they gotta accept Jesus. I suppose that I'm ok with that idea.

The next level up are those Christians who think that the establishment of the state is pretty significantly theologically and would like all the Jews to live in Israel so that when Jesus return we can either accept him and be saved or reject him and be damned. That's a little bit more strange.

The highest level of intenseness are those who reckon that Jews should still be Jewish, should still be shomer torah and mitzvot but should simply also accept Jesus as the messiah. In their logic, and I quote for you directly, "if Chabad can have a messiah and the Breslovers can have a messiah and still be Jewish why can't Jews who believe in Jesus still be Jewish?"

So I've been trying to work out what makes me so uncomfortable with all this. I've decided it's a few things.

First: It's weird to think that the end if nigh. That at any moment the heavens may open up and G-d will pour out his wrath on the non-believers but save the saved. It's just abit nutso to me. I say this with the awareness that yes, there are many Religious Zionist Jews who feel similarly and that I do obviously also want to messiah to come asap. I guess that my concept of the messiah is a little bit more Maimonidean. See his commentary on perek chelek for more details.

Second: It's not ok with me that there's no option for me not to accept Jesus and be saved. Within my religion it's enough that the Non-Jews keep the 7 Noahide laws. Bascially they gotta be monotheist and moral. It's not that hard. There's no need for everybody to be Jewish or accept exactly my beliefs. But with the Christians in my class it annoys me that no matter how moral I am, no matter how much charity I give I'm nevertheless damned b/c I don't accept Jesus as the messiah.

Third: I keep wanting to yell at them "GET YOUR OWN RELIGION!" I think Christianity's inability to actually completely separate from Judaism irritates me. The fact that I (and Jews in general) still hold a significant theological position for Christians irritates me. They're obsessed with knowing Judaism and understanding Jews. But are constantly reading our practices from a Christian perspective and trying to fit us into their understanding of what Judaism is or should be and it grates upon me.

The final issue is that some of these people are very nice. They are funny and sweet and understanding so it's difficult to remain uncomfortable around them. But I nevertheless would very much prefer it if they didn't invite me to come to the Jews for Jesus shul and didn't speak about the Jews being damned during the lunch break.

Lets just stick to the topics of the weather and how much learning hebrew grammar sux, ok folks?

Conserving Judaism

I spent this week's shabbat at Kibbutz Hannaton, the only Conservative (Masorti) kibbutz in Israel. It was my first experience in conservative prayers and community.

As is typical of Israel both for Orthodoxy and Conservative Judaism there is a stronger adherence to traditional practice here than in Chul. But still some things were different. Men and women prayed together in shul with both of them reading from the Torah and being the shaliach tzibbur. Women were also included in the minyan of 10 people. Comfortingly however, the prayers were all in Hebrew and the service was otherwise identical to an Orthodox one.

I'd have to say that I felt really comfortable in the Conservative world. It always seemed obvious to me that women are people too and hence should be included in Jewish practice. I suppose that the only reason why I'm not Conservative is because I really value tradition and slow change. So even though I'd like Orthodoxy to move in the direction of Conservative Judaism, I'll be ok to wait another generation or two just to make sure they we don't change too fast and lose the really important bits of Judaism, for example our thousand year old practices that I reckon are worth preserving.

Other than that it was great to get out of Jerusalem and away from the intensity and hatred and stress and pressure that fills this holy city.

As a side note - the Frenchman is really not ready for religious dating. People are very vulnerable when undergoing conversion and I'd prefer not to get involved in that stuff.

However, I have another date with another American tomorrow night. We'll see how it goes.

Shavua tov