The Frenchman

There is a new boy in my ulpan class. He's French, but not the French boy whose top is so unbuttoned his nipples go flying. This is a new one who just started this week.

Here's what he's like. Tall. Broad. Big dark eyes. Thick wavy hair. Dresses so so well. Nice jeans and button down shirts and suave sunglasses. He speaks French (duh) English, Hebrew and Spanish. He's left-wing but still religious (like davenning in a minyan multiple times a day religious psht psht). He's funny and smart and we have great chemistry.

It's amazing after all these dates I've been on with all these boys how different it is when you just click with somebody. Then there's none of this "O, I guess I'll give them a second date" or "Yeah, they seemed sweet enough..." but no, when it works you just know.

But there's a catch.

There's always a bloody catch.

He's not Jewish.

His mum is Catholic, his dad is Jewish. He was raised as a secular Jew and has recentlyish been reunited with his Judaism. He's converting.

Which raises a couple of issues.

1) Why would you convert? GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!! RUN!!! FLEEE!!!!!

2) What if I get involved with him and he changes his mind?

3) What if I get involved and he becomes haredi/super intense with Judaism b/c of the conversion process?

4) What if the conversion process takes another 5 years?

5)What if he converts and then the haredi rabbanut revokes it?

Anyways, so I'm generally not sure if I want to go out with him now even though he's otherwise supremely awesome.

But if I do want to go out with him how do I make this happen?

I've never ensnared anybody or seduced anybody in my whole life. I have no idea how to make him realise that he's obsessed with me.

My initial idea (please don't judge me too much for this) was to ask to have a chevruta with him. This serves two purposes.

1) I like to learn Torah with interesting people and he seems pretty interesting

2) It'll give him a chance to realise the full extent of my awesomeness and by logical consequence that he's in love with me.

But then I thought that maybe learning Torah with him may intimidate him or make him think I'm too holy to hit on. But I'm not. Hit on me dearest Frenchie!

So now I throw the questions to you folks out there:

1) Do I want to date a person in the process of converting?

2) If I do, how do I make that happen?

He-Man-Woman-Haters Club

Let's talk feminism for a moment folks.

There's been two incidents recently that have given rise to the need to blog on this topic.

The first incident went as such.

I was out with a guy friend of mine and a friend of his. The entire outing the two of them were making sexist jokes. Wait, that's unfair. Sometimes they paused to make racist jokes too. Women, according to these jokes, are stupid, slutty, uncoordinated and generally lesser human beings. When I raised the issue with the boys, they asserted that one can make sexist jokes without actually being sexist. Indeed that the fact that they can makes jokes about women means that women have reached such a level of equality that we can now make fun of them. To which I pointed out that there isn't a category of white middle-class man jokes. Probz b/c they are the ones making the sexist racist jokes.

The second incident occurred today.

I was sitting on the lawn during a break at ulpan. I was chilling with a bunch of religious boys reading some 'ben ish chai' (I'm know I'm way too frum for my own good). Somehow a discussion about marriage begins.

For the purpose of this conversation M is me and SAH is Sexist Ass-Hole.

SAH - If two people want to be married you can be married to anybody at all. If you get divorced that just means that you didn't want to be married enough. It has nothing to do with the actual person that you are married to.

M - No way. I reckon that there are some fundamental things that I could not have in a spouse.

SAH - Such as?

M - Well, if he wasn't shomer mitzvot I think it would make it very difficult to be married to him.

SAH - Ok, fine then. But within the religious world you could marry anybody and make it work.

M - I still disagree. What if he refused to ever wash a dish or cook a meal? There's no way I could be married to a person like that.

SAH - Well then obviously you are going to get divorced because u don't understand marriage at all. Your entire role in the marriage is to cook and clean.

M - And what's a man's role?

SAH - My role is to put on teffilin, your role is to cook.

M - *look of aghast despair*

SAH - Well, I suppose if you were 8 months pregnant and couldn't get out of bed then I wouldn't make you cook me dinner. But otherwise a marriage won't work unless each person fulfills their role.

At that, the break was finished and I returned to class with continued aghast despair.

In class, another religious boy who'd overheard the conversation saw that I was still quite perturbed by the conversation and tried to explain to me that it's because the boy was orthodox that he was sexist. Because orthodoxy is inherently incompatible with feminism.

End of Story.

Beginning of rant.

OMG WTF!!!!

We weren't even talking about women layning from the torah and being rabbis (both of which I think are fine btw). We are talking about the division of labour within the household. Who the fuck are you to tell me or any couple how their marriage should work? If in one marriage the man cooks or in another the woman does, or they share it, what the hell is wrong with that? And who are you mr.20-something-singleton to be the authority on a functional marriage?

What makes me most angry about this, is that the boys hid behind their religion to support their bigotry. Well you know what? It's my religion too! And my G-d and my Torah doesn't obligate me to get married. No, b/c halachically that obligation is on the man. So too the Torah doesn't require that I have children rather the obligation is on the man. Oh and guess what - the same goes for the education of children. That too is the responsibility of the husband. So if we want to talk about halachically who is responsible for the home - oh that's right it's the man! But I'd never tell a man off for not personally looking after his kids b/c you know what? It's their fucking prerogative and I have no say in how they should live their lives or run their homes. So don't fucking tell me what I should and shouldn't do in the name of G-d. B/c I've read the sources, I know my stuff and there ain't nothing wrong with my husband and I both doing the cooking.

The biggest issue I have with these two stories is the lack of recognition of women's shared humanity with men. Boys/men frequently are so focused on the differences between men and women that they forget the commonalities. They forget that we both have brains that need stimulation. That we both want to contribute to the world and have a sense of purpose. That we all need to be part of society with friendships and individual identities.

The saddest part of these stories though, is the impact it will have on these boys lives. Because they will never really love a woman. They will love the way she makes them feel or the things she does for them but they will never understand her separate to her function to a man as a help-meet. They will never recognize her intelligence, her kindness, her wit and joy and compassion. They will never have a life-partner, somebody to navigate the world with and build a home together. Instead they will have a half-person who exists only as a vessel by which the boy can achieve. They will never really love and for that I feel sorry for them.

And thus ends my rant.

Not on a note of anger but in an exhale of pity.

Cradle-Snatching

So who wants to hear about my recent dating escapades?

Well, you gotta give the people what they want.

This story begins 2 weeks ago on Shabbat. I went to a seuda shlishit in Nachlaot, hosted by an almost-30-yr-old-singleton. There I met Josh.

"So what do you do?" asks I

"Oh, I'm an accountant" the suitor replies.

"Wow, you must be rolling in it. Israeli accountants are loaded apaz" was my clearly inappropriate response. Am such an idiot.

But it seems that he was smitten with my adorable gall and chutzpah and therefore after shabbat he tracked myself and my number down. He then called me and asked me out. I politely accepted and hoped he didn't think it was b/c I was a gold-digger.

We went on a first date the following Saturday night. We had iced drinks (waaaaaay too hot to even mention the word coffee, just typing it makes me sweat) and then we went for a walk in the park. And yes, we did the whole sitting on a park bench with like a meter in between us to avoid any chance of any body parts grazing each other. B/c we all know that should that happen (chas v'challila) I immediately will become pregnant and will lose my place in Olam Habah.

So here's the vital statistics on Josh.

Original location: New York

Yeshiva: Mevasseret Zion

College: YU

Occupation: as previously mentioned - Accountant.

Now how old was this suitor? 29.

Yes, 29.

Yup, that's totally like only a few months away from 30.

Like 8 years older than me. Like almost born in the 70s. Like remembers a time before microwaves and the internet. Like may actually be interested in the spam emails offering cheap blue pills.

Anyways so I very quickly discovered that he probably wasn't so well suited for me. But I still went on a second date with him b/c I couldn't really find a reason other than HE'S SUPER BORING!

The second date was set for 8pm. Is this a dinner time? I had no idea. I called a bajillion people and the consensus was it was a dinner date. So I didn't eat lunch.

Wrong.

While starving and walking in another park I got to discover that this young(ish) man has been frum all his life, he never breaks the rules, he doesn't like music or film or books or torah or thinking. He likes basketball and sleeping. Fascinating stuff. Oh and he just loves talking like Woody Allen. But he doesn't realise he's doing this yet. Gosh, nervous over-analyzing New Yorkers are much more amusing on film.

The end of the date came around and he asked if he could call me the next day. At which point I very sensitively explained to him that I don't keep rules and that I like alot of stuff and that I like talking about it. Oh and I'm a left-wing-frum-feminist-tree-hugging-heretical-hippy.

To which he agreed with me that we might not be so suited for each other and that it'd be best if we didn't continue seeing each other and went on his merry way.

The same day two things happened

1) Some other boy changed his mind and decided that he doesn't want to go out with me b/c I haven't made aliya (this is actually ok with me, u'll hear the story behind this another time)

2) I got offered another date with another American. So we'll see how this one goes.

Am having another Jlem shabbat - should be fun!

Shabbat shalom

Democracy

* Warning * This is not an amusing post. Soz babez.

So I've been copping alotta flack for voting for the Greens for both the House of Reps and the Senate in the recent Australian Election. Therefore to explain myself I have this blog. How convenient for me.

Normally I would have voted Labor. This is because I don't believe that capitalism can self-regulate and that we need a government to help distribute wealth and opportunity.

Why do I believe this?

Well, whatever wealth I have is mainly due to circumstances beyond my control. For example my upbringing and education and even location. I chose none of these. My genetic makeup, I also had no say in. Basically I've been super lucky.

But these opportunities do not come without strings attached. I feel like I need to 'pay it forward' as it were. Because otherwise the rich are just going to get richer without any option for the poor to get their share. Additionally, if I did nothing to acquire these riches then I really have no right to them over any other person. Hence the sharing them around thing.

So I want a government that will put alot of money into public healthcare and education. This is normally what the Labor party should do.

Sadly, this year the Labor party decided that they want to stop refugees from coming to Australia. Now I don't really have an issue with processing refugees and checking their background. However, if you plan to send asylum seekers to various different pacific islands to avoid having to deal with the issue yourself you are going to lose my vote.

And that's exactly what happened with me and the Labor party.

The real nail in the coffin was when Labor decided that it was ok to send Afghanis back to Afghanistan. Loh Sababa.

Just like I want all Australians to have access to healthcare and education because that shouldn't be based on the luck of the draw so too with living in Australia. Lucky for me I was born in Oz. Sux to be born in Afghanistan. But I don't deserve this life anymore than them and accordingly I'd like to let in as many refugees as possible. Take that Pauline Hanson.

Obz there were other factors that induced me to vote for the Greens, but I'd have to say that refugees were the deciding factor.

In other news:

1) I saw a lady feeding like 30 cats this morning. When I'm Prime Minister my first action will be to ban this practice.

2) The French boy in my ulpan class wears his tops so unbuttoned that frequently his nipples fall out. Distracting.

3) Another date tonight. But likely to be the last one with this boy.

First Dates

Recently I've been on a few first dates. They are the single biggest waste of time in my life other than Boston Legal of late.

Appropriate topics of conversation include:

- The weather

- What your native community is like

- The difference between Australia and "insert nationality here"

- The difference between Western countries & Israel

- Any mainstream hobbies you practice

- The weather

Taboo topics include:

- Politics

- Religion

- Marriage

- Family dysfunction

- Person quirks/idiosyncrasies

- Sex

- Anything which may actually help you determine whether or not you would like to go on a second date with this person let alone spend the rest of your life with them.

Boys of Jerusalem: Yes, I agree it is freaking hot. No, it's not possible to live in this heat. Yes, I feel very sorry for you that you don't have air conditioning. Wow, isn't it fascinating that your community had x number of Jewish day schools. Yeah, isn't it hilarious that I say 'footpath' instead of 'sidewalk'. Just. Freaking. Hilarious. You play basketball? Wow. Yeah, it is weird that milk comes in plastic bags here. And yes, I'm still aware that its very hot in Jerusalem but baruch hashem we don't live in Tel Aviv with the humidity and the sinners.

Young men of the holy city take note: I could have flowing conversation with a tree. Just because I'm smiling and nodding does not mean that I'm actually listening to what you have to say. Because you are saying exactly what the young man before you said - That is: nothing of any importance.

I am hoping that second dates will turn out to be more useful. By that I mean that I intend to drop the 'oh did I mention that I'm a left-wing-frum-feminist-tree-hugging-heretical-hippy' bombshell.

Wish me luck.

Anonymity

I made a near-fatal mistake. I told somebody about my blog and now I want to blog about them. I have a hilarious story about a person and I can't share it . It's becoming increasingly frustrating and blocking my otherwise hilarious writing ability.

So to comfort myself from the depths of regret I will let ya'll know what my street has the yours probably doesn't.

- 4 shules, only one with a womens section.

- it has a plastic bottles recycling bin, a paper recycling bin and a public gniza.

- it has a well or a mikvah every 100 meters

- the record store nearby has been playing sefardi slichot non-stop for the past week

- a makolet (milkbar) that takes siesta from 1-3pm everyday.

and now what my street doesn't have:

- footpaths (sidewalks for those of u in the US)

- trees

- manners

sabbatical salutations to each and everyone of you (except the person who i want to blog about... u deserve to be woken up many times during your shabbat shluf)

Little People

So I don't know whether you've noticed yet but I'm one of those people that gets approached all the time. On buses old folks talk to me and pinch my cheeks, on the street men follow me and in parks children are constantly nudging me to play with them.

My housemate is the same. She too is constantly being given free food in the shuk or being told somebody's life story while in queue at the bank.

Now, I know that we are both total babes and who wouldn't want to talk to us but I get the feeling that there's something else going here.

The two of us are about 5ft nothing. We are two of the tiniest people within the normal height rage. At bars the average guess is that we are 16 years old.

So it is my guess that people feel comfortable talking to us because we are physically not intimidating at all. We seem very harmless and if anything very inviting (despite the fact that we'd probably prefer to be left alone).

In particular I think this applies the men who approach us. Gross men who irritate young women in public, apart from maybe looking to get lucky, are more likely looking to feel powerful. They are generally blokes whose lives are not going so well. They probably don't have much education or wealth or skillz with the ladies. Accordingly chatting up or accosting some 50kg chick is going to make u feel in control and strong and masculine. Well it's nice to know that I can help.

But to the sleazy men of Israel I say "FUCK OFF!"

p.s. get ready for a new date with a new boy folks

Zee Chermans Are Coming!

So my housemate and I had shabbat together in our house in Nachlaot this week.

We davened friday night in an adorable shteible with lots of turbaned women and closed-eyed swaying and singing. Good points:

Men and women davened side-by-side with a mechitza in the middle.The chazzan davened from in front of the mechitza so both men and women could see him and the shule had a female president. Psht Psht.

We cooked the following dishes:

• Pasta bake
• Thai-Vegan-Shmidt salad
• Roast potato, sweet potato and eggplant
• Israeli salad (of course)
• Sushi Salad (yup it's famous)

We had over a South African girl, two Australians, an American (a New Yorker no less!) and two non-Jewish-Lutherans-about-to-be-pastors from Germany.

Yeh, the Germans I picked up from Ulpan. They couldn't find the house so they climbed up a tree like ninjas to find us. Hilarious. Also we got them to bring beer but disappointingly they only brought Goldstar. Seriously. Having the Germans over was nice, they were interesting and funny. But "don't mention the war!" felt like the elephant in the room.

Dinner went super late so we woke up too late for regular Israeli Shacharit. But honestly 7.30am on a Shabbat morning nobody should be awake. So we went to a 9am Chabad shule where amusingly there was an Australian boy's aufruf/call-up. Longest Shacharit EVER! Kedusha took like 15 minutes, I wish I was joking about it. We left after 2.5 hours and they hadn't even done Haftorah yet. Apart from the long service and overly thick mechitza, I felt abit guilty for davening with idolators.

After lunch we went around the corner to a friend's for dessert. Peach Cobbler, yum yum. There I met a boy from Chovevei in Riverdale, the yeshiva that almost gave smicha to the first orthodox female rabbi. Needless to say I chewed off his ear (not literally - we'd just met!) discussing liberal modern orthodoxy. Just lovely.

Post-nap I went to an Australian girl's apartment in Nachlaot for Seuda Shlishit. There were lots of people there and food and singing. It was delightful. But sadly there were also a lot of older singles there. Gosh they make me nervous. There's such a hunger in their eyes. They look like they are starving.

This week I will go vote and go to the Beer festival. Sounds like a shavua tov to me!

Stuff Haredim Like

For those of you in chul here is a special broadcast of the latest trends in the haredi world. Ordered from least popular to most.

5. Energy drinks.

Apaz it takes alot out of a bloke to be unemployed and not help around the house. But luckily for the Haredim there are a plethora for super caffeinated drinks that are rapidly being consumed by this rapidly expanding demographic.

4. Capes.

Don't be fooled by this trend. It is still in the high 30s every day. The women are fully dressed with long sleeved shirts buttoned up and tights and the lot. But still to protect oneself from any chance of feeling the breeze, a cape the newest fad. It's not even like haredim have super powers!

3. Staring.

Be it a fat person, a near-nekkid chick or somebody having a heart-attack there's nothing as relentless and as widespread as the open mouthed unblinking Haredi stare.

2. The Quif

We all knew it a few years back. When highschool girls around the world decided that they wanted to channel Elvis Presley or any male character in Grease and began embrasing the quif. But now thanx to impressive sheital machers this trend needen't end when you drop out of high school to get married. Baruch Hashem, soon by you too!

1. Raising children.

Stam. They don't raise them, they just plant them and then like wild flowers the children raise themselves. I know this because I was taking a bus through Har Nof this week and I saw a baby trapped in a window flower box on the 3rd floor in nothing but a nappy tapping on the window to be let in.

With that - Shabbat Shalom.

For those interested in stuff people like please see

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/ & http://whitestuffpeoplelike.wordpress.com/

Dealbreakers

So last night I went on a date with a boy. He was a friend of a friend and apaz we were meant to be great together. Accordingly, after some fb chattage we arranged to go out for dinner.

It was an epic fail.

But before we get there, I'll let you know the good things about him.

1. He was dressed very well. Tie, shirt, vest, old man hat, the whole eccentric youth thing going on. This is a rare trait in Israel and a severely under-valued one.

2. He's a feminist. His favorite t-shirt says 'real men marry rabbis' and was suitably crushed when I told him that had I not been an orthodox girl I defs would have gone for smicha.

3. He's super smart and into politics, Judaism and philosophy. Tick, Tick, Tick.

So why was the date an epic fail?

He just possessed too many dealbreakers.

Specifically two things

1. He's super ridiculously right-wing both re:Israeli politics and general politics. Like, he makes Tony Abbott look like a pot smoking tree hugging lesbian. Ew Tony Abbott.

2. He wants to live in Israel his whole life but he won't make Aliya because he doesn't want to go to the army. Why not? This is a direct quote: "I'm a coward." Oh and he doesn't trust the army ever since Gush Katif. Loh Sababa. WTF! You can't want all the Arabs to die and be expelled from their homes but not be willing to put on khaki and do it yourself. You can't live here your whole life in safety and security without doing anything to protect yourself or your family.

Which brings me to a more fun game of 'sababa v'hakol' which mean's everything is ok with this person (ie: they could be the love of your life) except for this one thing. Could you deal with this one thing?

So here are things I could deal with if the guy was sababa v'hakol except for this one thing.

• He only wears orange velvet
• He has a girls name like Nancy or Tracy
• He has a theme song that he sings to himself while alone
• He refers to himself in the third person
• His favorite food is oxtail.

See - I'm open minded. I'm not picky.

Except for these small tiny things.

• Must be Jewish
• Must be orthodox
• Must have gone to yeshiva/will go to yeshiva
• Must be into flexible halacha/politics/film/music
• Must be taller than me (but seriously I'm 5 ft)
• Must be smart
• Must be funny
• Must be willing to live in Israel
• Must be not be too right-wing
• Must realise that women are people too
• Must not have tiny hands/feet/ears
• Must not have a high pitched voice
• Must not have a super annoying laugh

Basically I would like a hilarious individual who has tchelet tzitit coming out of his super skinny jeans while riding his bike through the streets of j'lem listening to alternating podcasts from Vampire Weekend and Yeshayahu Leibowitz.

At the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw - Is that too much to ask?

Chalutziut

A friend of mine once complained to me that she feels like she was born in the wrong era. She wished that she was born 100 years ago so she could have been with all the chalutznikim (pioneers) building up the land in the early years of Zionism. It seems like its her dream to drain the swamps and catch malaria. All she wants is to quote the bible around the finjan while wearing short shorts and a kova tembel.

To her, the time of the chalutzim was the honeymoon period for Zionism. Back before we had a corrupt government, before we'd displaced the Palestinians and before we conquered the West Bank. It was a time for idealism, socialism and youth empowerment.

For a while I agreed with her. Not completely, but I did wish that I could have been part of the building up of the land, also to be naive of the consequences of the renewed Jewish presence here.

But this shabbat changed my mind. This shabbat I met the new pioneers.

I spent the weekend in a yishuv near Maale Adumim called Alon. In Alon there is a midrasha called Ein Prat. Now this isn't a standard midrasha. There are boys and girls who learn there. They learn from 9am till 1am at night. They learn the standard Jewish texts like gemara, tanach etc. They also learn philosophy from the greeks to the nihilists and existentialists.

Most interesting was that the midrasha was half religious and half secular. But its not a kiruv place, you don't find baalei teshuva there. Instead its just an open place where every person's opinion is valued and where the fresh views and thoughts of the secular students are just as important as rashi or tosfot.

Now how is this pioneering?

Well I've been living in Jerusalem for a while now but I've also lived here before. As beautiful as Jerusalem is, it's a place teeming with hatred. Everybody here knows that they are correct and that their way of life is right and that everybody else is wrong. They know this utterly and completely. Its just so intense.

But in Ein Prat they are pioneering a new type of Israel. One where everybody takes ownership of their Judaism. There our ancient texts aren't just the property of the religious but the inheritance of us all.

It was the type of Israel that I want to be a part of and that I want to help build. It was the new draining of swamps. It's worth catching malaria for.

The OC

There's a boy in my Ulpan class who looks like Sandy Cohen, from the sophisticated and hard hitting drama The OC, a classic of our times.

Perhaps I should invite him round for Christmukka and we can save troubled youths while living in giant mansions together happily for the rest of our lives. Or until Marissa dies b/c then everything goes downhill.

But it raises interesting questions about Sandy Cohen.

1. WTF were the writers thinking naming a man Sandy. Poofs.

2. Was the attractive thing about Sandy his looks or his age?

Well conveniently having his doppelganger in my class I can answer this question.

Sandy (and his younger ulpan attending self) are undeniably good looking. But the most attractive thing about him was definitely more to do with maybe his age and significantly that he likes to help troubled youths.

So what's the deal with older men?

Most likely it may be a genetic and cultural anomaly from back when women couldn't support or protect themselves and therefore older men, with their wealth and stability, were good providers and husbands n shite like that.

So why do I, a liberated and independent woman, (though undeniably adorable and domesticated) still like older men?

Probably for those exact reasons, b/c even though I don't want to be stuck back in the 1950s I've still been socialised to find experience and stability attractive in men.

Well done western society, you sure did a swell job at brainwashing!

Now that's clarified, you can all return to facebook.

Multiculturalism

In my Ulpan class there are 3 Germans, 3 Americans, one Brit, one Bulgarian, 3 Frenchies, one Korean (hopefully from the north b/c I'm a fan of jumpsuits) one girl from Hong Kong, two Arabs and only one Australian (guess who!).

It's a pretty awesome mix I reckon.

Which raises the issue of multiculturalism.

While at Ulpan and in Israel, I've been at odds with what to call myself. My parents call me by my English name (ooooo what is it?) and my very close friends call me by my Hebrew name. But what should I be called in Israel? I hate the Israeli pronunciation of my English name but I feel like such a poser/wannabe Israeli if I get people to call me by my Hebrew name.

From a broader view I reckon that this two name thing is very indicative of life outside of Israel (Chul). I feel like I'm constantly moving between my secular western Australian self and my tribal religious Jewish self. If a name is meant to be how I'm known to the world, it's pretty telling that I have two different names in two different languages.

It's times like these that I say go google cognitive dissidence, dialectics and ontological dualism. Or just use them in incorrect circumstances and see if anybody picks it up (they won't).

Yeah watevs, welcome to Modern Orthodoxy, I hear you say.

And I say Screw You!

Or at least you're gonna get a signature eye-roll and loud exhale combo from me.

Festival de la Shuk

Tonight there was a "shuk tarbut" or culture market at the machaneh yehuda market around the corner from my apartment.

It was officially called "balabusta" and it was exceptional.

There was salsa dancing, capoeira, break dancing, afro-reggae, modern klezmer electronica, various arts and crafts and many different jerusalemites out in force.

While there, I was approached by Jews for Jesus. Unfortunate but true.

Tomorrow is my first day of summer ulpan at Hebrew U. I'm in level Dalet, it goes from 8.30am to 1.30pm Sunday to Thursday for the next 6 weeks.

Two last things

1. tomorrow I'm also going to the Jerusalem wine festival

2. I may have a date in the near future, I'll keep y'all posted.

Jtown shabbat

I spent shabbat in Jerusalem.

Friday night I went to the Aussie boys apartment in Katamon. We went to the Rambam shule nearby which has been renamed Mizrachi after its Balaclava rd equivalent. Pretty much every single Bnei Oleh was there, making it a strange reunion with all my old madrichim.

There were almost no Israelis at shule and even fewer married people. It was just a shule teeming with chutznik singletons in their (very) late 20s. So strange.

At dinner there were 18 people. Mainly Australians with a few South Africans for good measure. The tafnit boys were there from marava and they decorated the place with flowers and lovely table settings. Strange but true.

Highlights of the meal were as follows: my sushi salad (no seriously, u better propose quick b/c this salad is that good), gazpacho and chocolate & peanut butter ice cream mousse cake thing.

But mostly, it was just nice to feel at home in Jerusalem, even if it means creating a mini-Caulfield here.

Back at my apartment my American housemates had a few guests over for shabbat so we all had lunch together. They were surprisingly interesting and intelligent. They were also vegetarian and left-wing so they get points there too. But sadly nothing can be done about that accent.

One of the guests announced that there was a speaker at the King Salomon hotel talking about abortion, surrogate mothers and organ donation. So off we went to go hear it. To our surprise it was actually about how men are smarter/wiser/more logical/just generally infinitely superior to women. Therefore "a woman's role in the marriage is to pick out the sofas" (no seriously that's a direct quote folks) and the man's role is to guide the family spiritually and logically.

We walked out mid-way.

And then we saw a baby that look like a cone-headed alien which made it all better.

The rest of the afternoon was spent sleeping and listening to the Americans read out passages from a book called "the year of living biblically" (http://www.ajjacobs.com/books/yolb.asp) its pretty amusing.

All in all it was nice to feel like I live in Jerusalem now. Like it's my home.