Why I Hate Karaoke

It's time for an oldie but a goodie.

When I was in primary school I was in the school choir. I was in the school musicals. I sang at speech night. But I was consistently disappointed that my best friend got the solos.

Bless my parents for giving me such high self-esteem. It took a very long time for me to understand why I was always at the back of the choir far far away from a microphone.

Indeed not until I was 19 and walking home from shule did it all become apparent. I avoided my father's shule like a plague of very old boring men and as such I has a long lonesome walk home on shabbat mornings. With no ipod to entertain myself, I would sing. Mainly shabbat songs but occasionally some Oasis or John Mayer (don't judge me, it was my pre-hipster days). In my street there are a number of old age homes. In front of one of them is a bench. And on that fateful shabbat morning on that bench was parked the tuchus of a certain old man.

Being fully absorbed in my musical extravaganza I didn't even register his presence until I heard a "excuse me young lady would you mind not doing that?"

I stop. Turn to face him and considering how I lived in the ghetto I assumed he was referring to kol isha.

I politely replied saying "sorry, I didn't mean to be inappropriate or to disturb."

The old man smiled and pointed to his kippa saying "Oh, it's not because of this."

He then rolls up his sleeve and says "It's just that I'VE SUFFERED ENOUGH IN MY LIFE" and with that he points to the tattoo he has on his inner arm.

And so I realised that my singing is pretty bad. Quite terrible actually. Bad enough to disturb partially deaf old men.

To disturb old holocaust survivors.

My singing is like a GENOCIDE.

From that day on, I swore, never again.

As a side issue, note the feline themed pictures, I'm preparing for my life as a cat-lady.