Skullcaps

As you can notice I've been bloggin alot recently. This is because I have an assignment on international humanitarian law due (by that I mean its overdue already) and blogging is a surefire way to avoid being a responsible student while pretending to study b/c hey, atleast I'm on my laptop!

So I think we need to discuss kippot. I've recently returned to my kippa factory ways which has given me a lot of food for thought in terms of classifying whole and complex human beings based purely on what they wear on their heads. As such without further ado here is such a list.

1) Dead Animals - This could be anything from a spoddik to a shtreimel and it basically provides a strong warning for me to stay far far away. That is unless I feel like living in 18th century white Russia while singing german drinking tunes with my eyes closed.

2) Black velvet - Though obviously there are frum people who wear black velvet kippot, the majority of the time such head-wear is found accompanying tight white shirts and even tighter shiny dark pants. Not to mention ridiculously pointy shoes and intensely sleezy eyes. Ahhh shababnikim - you and your arsim ways!

3) Black Velvet With 'Yechei Adonani' Around The Rim - Idolators. No thanx.

4) Giant White Rebbe Nachman - Damn it, I'd totally rule these boys out for being nonsensical except that they make ridiculously good dance music (...errr...that I listen to ironically...).

5) Giant Kippa Sruga -Let me guess, you're 24, have three kids, live in a caravan and sleep with your gun. But if I told you that Rav Kook was my great (great?) uncle you'd have to be impressed.

6) Regular Kippa Sruga - so many patterns and colours and styles and locations on the head. I'm a bit of a fan of the right on the top of the head situation, like nati from srugim. The only issue here is that either you're already married or you won't be until you're 30 and have finished the 7 degrees you seem to need before getting a real job. Nevertheless my heart beats a little bit quicker every time you re-arrange that crocheted circle atop your talmud filled head.

7) The Tiny Sruga - Yeah we get it, you're lost. Your parents don't know what to do with you and all you want is to go to India, smoke pot and 'experiment.'

8) Plain Leather - From a frum fam and has gone to yeshiva but doesn't really care that much. You drink alot, mess around with girls, eat out occasionally and are forgetful of the laws of shabbat. But when you hit your late 20s all you'll want is a 19 year old virginal aidel maidel who makes wicked deli role and wouldn't dream of being anything other than a physio/occupational/music therapist.

9) Printed Leather - American Modox, comes with accompanying basketball shorts and too loud obnoxious accent.

10) The Girls Kippa - Ok I'll admit that I'm not so well versed in these but I'm going to assume that it comes with a matching floral tallit.

11) Shiny White - and I almost forgot the awkwardly perched free kippot worn by estranged cousins to weddings. It's so uncomfortable and adorable. Loves it!

12) Hats - Another soft spot of mine. Straw hats, old man hats, faux-communist military hats. It says - hey babe, wanna hear my haiku based on bava metzia that I remixed with dubstep? *melt*

As such I feel like I've successfully avoided any nuance or depth and managed to fit a large number of people into very rigid boxes based purely on their yarmulke with little concern for the complexities of human self-definition.

Good job Ms.B!