Nati's Brother

Tonight I had a wonderful experience.

I went to a homosexuality and orthodoxy panel tonight.

For those of you who remember Ailon Goldstein - he was the adjudicator/host of the evening.

It began with a talk from Rabbi Benny Lau of the famed Ramban community in Katamon. He spoke of the need for patience in the gay community because their families and communities will take a while to accept them but that baby steps happen all the time and slowly slowly the religious world is progressing.

Then Rabbi Arleh Harel (the past Rosh Yeshiva of Shilo) who spoke about how homosexuality, both the act and the lifestyle, is forbidden. Furthermore that in his role as a counselor for homosexual religious boy-men, he refers them on to conversion therapy.

After that a gay-religious lawyer spoke very charismatically about how in place of patience in our society we need tolerance (it's a good play of words in hebrew). He also spoke about how homosexuality is a sin between man and his maker and therefore as a community we shouldn't interfere here, but rather we should focus on mitzvot that are between man and his neighbour and hence we should be more inclusive.

This was followed by a lesbian representative who echoed the lawyers requests. She added that she doesn't want any privileges but rather simply the same rights as heterosexuals, the right to get married, the right to have children/adopt.

There was then a speaker from Hebrew University who used to be Haredi and now also heads a secular Beit Midrash. He read out many of the very offensive things that rabbis have written about homosexuality in recent times. He also sought to argue that lesbianism is a totally new prohibition invented only in the wake of the feminist/sexual revolution.

After that there was alot of arguing backwards and forward - but it was generally done in a very polite and respectful manner. The crowd were abit rowdy - but I found that entertaining more than anything.

If you would like to check out the website please see http://www.hujihillel.org.il/59460/%D7%90%D7%AA-%D7%A9%D7%90%D7%94%D7%91%D7%94-%D7%A0%D7%A4%D7%A9%D7%99

Other then that - my personal response to this evening is one of immense pride. I went to a homosexuality panel in Australia (I even helped host it) and the speakers said nothing controversial in the least. It was, to put it in Jew terms, very parve. I also read the Yeshiva University panel transcript and that also wasn't nearly as passionate. At this panel I feel they managed to get over their fear of offending people and really deal with the issues. They didn't resolve them, obviously, but they were raised n discussed. Which I suppose is all that we can expect for the present.

In any case - it was very impressive.

Free Love

Oh loyal followers of my blog, I have a problem.

I'm very very close to hating Haredim. In fact - if I were to be completely honest - I may have to admit that I already hate them. Very much.

Now, if this hatred was irrational I suspect that I would find it easier to get over, but I have so many good reasons to dislike the Ultra-Orthodox in Israel.

Oh radical fundamentalist Jews - How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

1) I hate that they do not work. There are whole tracts of the gemara and shulchan aruch dedicated to the laws of work - of finance, payments, ownership, employment and loans - and they weren't just written for you to study. They were written so that people can work in an ethical manner. Rambam himself was a doctor, Rashi had a vineyard and the Chofetz Chayim ran a grocery. And these were incredible minds who contributed enormous amounts to our literary wealth. You, the average haredi thinker - what brilliant commentaries on the talmud or chumash are you producing while you don't work? I admit that there's a place for the non-earners, just like there's a place in society for academics. But not everybody gets to spend their whole lives at university unless they are gifted and producing works themselves. So to the haredi masses I say - Get a JOB!

2) I hate the way they treat women. Women can't speak in public. Women can't learn Torah. Women can't have autonomy over their bodies. Ultimately the way pornography relates to women is the same way that haredim see them. In both worlds women are sexualized and seen as a source of temptation. The difference is that pornography attempts to embrace/exploit it while the haredi world attempts to cover/hide from it with head shaving, tights and ponchos. But ultimately in both worlds women are merely dehumanized sex objects.

3) I hate the way they don't serve in the army. Now I know this may make me a little bit hypocritical since I'm not serving in the army. I'll accept that criticism, however, that still doesn't make it ok for an entire sect of the Israeli population, many of whom support the settlements or even live in the west bank (betar illit is the fastest growing settlement) to benefit from the security provided by the nation's youth without contributing to it themselves. Not ok.

4) I hate what they've done to Judaism. Halacha, Torah and Judaism are very important to me and it hurts me to see what they do to it. They make it look like a religion of ignorance, of selfishness, of extremism, of violence and intolerance. To me Judaism is peace, education, morality and comprised of many different expressions and facets. Not everything is black and white. More than that, the more stringent opinion isn't always the right one. Every time they riot and throw acid/rocks/human faeces they desecrate Hashem's name. Seriously, not ok.

So with all these reasons why does it bother me that I hate them?

Well for two reasons -

Firstly, nothing gets solved with hatred. If I want to fix the situation, I'm going to have to understand and accept the haredim. And then help them change and grow.

Secondly, I believe that the temple was destroyed because of Sinat Chinam (baseless hatred) and that it will be rebuilt because of Ahavat Chinam (baseless love). Irrespective of my views on the temple and animal sacrifices and the like, if we consider the messianic era as just a super happy good time in history, it makes scene that love and not hate will bring this.

So I'm gonna work on loving dem haredim.

Maybe free hugs will be a good start?

Conserving Judaism

I spent this week's shabbat at Kibbutz Hannaton, the only Conservative (Masorti) kibbutz in Israel. It was my first experience in conservative prayers and community.

As is typical of Israel both for Orthodoxy and Conservative Judaism there is a stronger adherence to traditional practice here than in Chul. But still some things were different. Men and women prayed together in shul with both of them reading from the Torah and being the shaliach tzibbur. Women were also included in the minyan of 10 people. Comfortingly however, the prayers were all in Hebrew and the service was otherwise identical to an Orthodox one.

I'd have to say that I felt really comfortable in the Conservative world. It always seemed obvious to me that women are people too and hence should be included in Jewish practice. I suppose that the only reason why I'm not Conservative is because I really value tradition and slow change. So even though I'd like Orthodoxy to move in the direction of Conservative Judaism, I'll be ok to wait another generation or two just to make sure they we don't change too fast and lose the really important bits of Judaism, for example our thousand year old practices that I reckon are worth preserving.

Other than that it was great to get out of Jerusalem and away from the intensity and hatred and stress and pressure that fills this holy city.

As a side note - the Frenchman is really not ready for religious dating. People are very vulnerable when undergoing conversion and I'd prefer not to get involved in that stuff.

However, I have another date with another American tomorrow night. We'll see how it goes.

Shavua tov

He-Man-Woman-Haters Club

Let's talk feminism for a moment folks.

There's been two incidents recently that have given rise to the need to blog on this topic.

The first incident went as such.

I was out with a guy friend of mine and a friend of his. The entire outing the two of them were making sexist jokes. Wait, that's unfair. Sometimes they paused to make racist jokes too. Women, according to these jokes, are stupid, slutty, uncoordinated and generally lesser human beings. When I raised the issue with the boys, they asserted that one can make sexist jokes without actually being sexist. Indeed that the fact that they can makes jokes about women means that women have reached such a level of equality that we can now make fun of them. To which I pointed out that there isn't a category of white middle-class man jokes. Probz b/c they are the ones making the sexist racist jokes.

The second incident occurred today.

I was sitting on the lawn during a break at ulpan. I was chilling with a bunch of religious boys reading some 'ben ish chai' (I'm know I'm way too frum for my own good). Somehow a discussion about marriage begins.

For the purpose of this conversation M is me and SAH is Sexist Ass-Hole.

SAH - If two people want to be married you can be married to anybody at all. If you get divorced that just means that you didn't want to be married enough. It has nothing to do with the actual person that you are married to.

M - No way. I reckon that there are some fundamental things that I could not have in a spouse.

SAH - Such as?

M - Well, if he wasn't shomer mitzvot I think it would make it very difficult to be married to him.

SAH - Ok, fine then. But within the religious world you could marry anybody and make it work.

M - I still disagree. What if he refused to ever wash a dish or cook a meal? There's no way I could be married to a person like that.

SAH - Well then obviously you are going to get divorced because u don't understand marriage at all. Your entire role in the marriage is to cook and clean.

M - And what's a man's role?

SAH - My role is to put on teffilin, your role is to cook.

M - *look of aghast despair*

SAH - Well, I suppose if you were 8 months pregnant and couldn't get out of bed then I wouldn't make you cook me dinner. But otherwise a marriage won't work unless each person fulfills their role.

At that, the break was finished and I returned to class with continued aghast despair.

In class, another religious boy who'd overheard the conversation saw that I was still quite perturbed by the conversation and tried to explain to me that it's because the boy was orthodox that he was sexist. Because orthodoxy is inherently incompatible with feminism.

End of Story.

Beginning of rant.

OMG WTF!!!!

We weren't even talking about women layning from the torah and being rabbis (both of which I think are fine btw). We are talking about the division of labour within the household. Who the fuck are you to tell me or any couple how their marriage should work? If in one marriage the man cooks or in another the woman does, or they share it, what the hell is wrong with that? And who are you mr.20-something-singleton to be the authority on a functional marriage?

What makes me most angry about this, is that the boys hid behind their religion to support their bigotry. Well you know what? It's my religion too! And my G-d and my Torah doesn't obligate me to get married. No, b/c halachically that obligation is on the man. So too the Torah doesn't require that I have children rather the obligation is on the man. Oh and guess what - the same goes for the education of children. That too is the responsibility of the husband. So if we want to talk about halachically who is responsible for the home - oh that's right it's the man! But I'd never tell a man off for not personally looking after his kids b/c you know what? It's their fucking prerogative and I have no say in how they should live their lives or run their homes. So don't fucking tell me what I should and shouldn't do in the name of G-d. B/c I've read the sources, I know my stuff and there ain't nothing wrong with my husband and I both doing the cooking.

The biggest issue I have with these two stories is the lack of recognition of women's shared humanity with men. Boys/men frequently are so focused on the differences between men and women that they forget the commonalities. They forget that we both have brains that need stimulation. That we both want to contribute to the world and have a sense of purpose. That we all need to be part of society with friendships and individual identities.

The saddest part of these stories though, is the impact it will have on these boys lives. Because they will never really love a woman. They will love the way she makes them feel or the things she does for them but they will never understand her separate to her function to a man as a help-meet. They will never recognize her intelligence, her kindness, her wit and joy and compassion. They will never have a life-partner, somebody to navigate the world with and build a home together. Instead they will have a half-person who exists only as a vessel by which the boy can achieve. They will never really love and for that I feel sorry for them.

And thus ends my rant.

Not on a note of anger but in an exhale of pity.

Multiculturalism

In my Ulpan class there are 3 Germans, 3 Americans, one Brit, one Bulgarian, 3 Frenchies, one Korean (hopefully from the north b/c I'm a fan of jumpsuits) one girl from Hong Kong, two Arabs and only one Australian (guess who!).

It's a pretty awesome mix I reckon.

Which raises the issue of multiculturalism.

While at Ulpan and in Israel, I've been at odds with what to call myself. My parents call me by my English name (ooooo what is it?) and my very close friends call me by my Hebrew name. But what should I be called in Israel? I hate the Israeli pronunciation of my English name but I feel like such a poser/wannabe Israeli if I get people to call me by my Hebrew name.

From a broader view I reckon that this two name thing is very indicative of life outside of Israel (Chul). I feel like I'm constantly moving between my secular western Australian self and my tribal religious Jewish self. If a name is meant to be how I'm known to the world, it's pretty telling that I have two different names in two different languages.

It's times like these that I say go google cognitive dissidence, dialectics and ontological dualism. Or just use them in incorrect circumstances and see if anybody picks it up (they won't).

Yeah watevs, welcome to Modern Orthodoxy, I hear you say.

And I say Screw You!

Or at least you're gonna get a signature eye-roll and loud exhale combo from me.