The Parentals

Miss me?

So my parents arrived the Thursday before Pesach. I met them at 7am at Ben Gurion airport. Yes, 7am. It hurt. A lot.

We then picked up the hire car (which at no point was I permitted to drive) and went to the namal of Tel Aviv for a quiet port side breakfast. After that we popped into Yafo for the flea market, we then drove through Florentine and did some more window shopping in Neve Tzedek.

Following these escapades we drove north to Kibbutz Shefayim where we were staying that night. We went out for dinner with a friend of my parents in Herzliya. My parents went dancing that night and I reveled in the joys of Israeli TV. I can say, that having lived 9 months in Israel without a TV that I really haven't been missing out.

Friday included a brief shop in the Herzliya mall before driving further north to Zichron Yaakov. Conveniently, since it was Friday afternoon we did not see the first aliya museum, or the aaronson museum or visit any wineries. Which meant there was nothing to do in Zichron. The place however was otherwise adorable. The buildings are old, the restaurants have very nice food and the shops are all artsy and craftsy. We spent shabbat in a very small hotel there and on motzash my parents went dancing again and I returned to my beloved TV (this time to bask in the glories of Gilmore Girls).

Sunday we drove down the number 6 tollway (= best road in the middle east), I once again was not permitted to drive to Jerusalem. I then sent my parents to the Israel museum so I could spend over 4 hours cleaning the kitchen for Pesach. Fun times.

That night I took my parents to the best Italian restaurant in Israel - Topolino. We got stuffed artichoke hearts, stuffed sardines, Lasagna, beetroot gnocchi and chestnut gnocchi. H.E.A.V.E.N.

Seder was hilarious. It was my parents, myself and two of my Australian friends PLUS my dearest darling German Lutheran Pastor. He asked really good questions and even answered some of ours. But it was a bit awkies when we were asking the lord almighty to pour out his wrath to the nations of the world (ie: our enemies).

Post-chag we went back to Yafo to eat at Dr.Shakshuka and to window shop at HaTachana - the gentrified old train station between Yafo and Neve Tzedek. Highly recommended.

The next day was at the dead sea.

Back again to Tel Aviv for the Nachalat Binyamin street craft markets.

Shabbat and more Chol HaMoed in Jlem. Last day of Pesach I took my folks to the old city (which used to be my old stomping ground). In addition to the usual places, I showed my parents around the Holy Sepulchre just in time for Easter. It's a really beautiful church, more than a bit unfortunate that I don't really understand all the artwork n the like within it.

The next day my parents were leaving so we did some last minute shopping, I took them out for kubeh and french ice cream (mmmm basil ice cream) then off to the airport for their week in an airplane to arrive in Australia.

Things that I learnt while my parents were in Zion include the following;

- Jerusalem is nuts, everybody here is slightly mad/disturbed.

- There is such a thing as caramel spread, it's like chocolate spread but better

- One day I will have a degree and a job and will no longer be poor (but until then - thanks parents!)

- Cars are amazing, seriously superior to all other forms of transport. Other than unicorn. OBVZ.

Thus ends a summary of my parents visitation to Jewland.

Stay turned for a post on the following topics; my tiyul in Ein Karem (warning: contains nudity), my trip to a friend's tekes kumta, my sailing and sabbatical adventures.

Apart from that on Sunday I return to university. Sob.

KATZ!

Stories about cats.

1) When I was in sem there was a lovely girl who was frequently homeless b/c her apartment was stalked by an evil white cat. This poor girl was helpless and could not defend herself against the feline menace. Hence she would not unoccasionally sleep on people's couches to avoid being scratched to death by an old city mini-lion.

2) Just the other week I was returning home on a lovely shabbat afternoon to find two cats hissing and growling at each other right in front of the door to my house. In order to enter my house I had to get to the front window, slide it open then unlock the door and run inside. All these seem possible but for the two cats, one of whom was dripping blood from its mouth. I asked them very politely to move their disagreement to a more convenient location. They did not heed my request. So I called to a young man-friend of mine who was inside the house. He promptly came downstairs, opened the doors, used a broom and very loud hissing to scare away the cats as I fled to the safety of my kitchen.

3) Tonight as I was walking to the shuk for some delicious kubeh, stuffed vine leaves and cherry beer I was walking between two parked cars when I noticed a cat lying on the ground below me. My initial reaction was the assume the cat ad been sleep and that I had just woken it up. With my leg already raised above it and the presence of a tightish skirt, my primary concern was that the cat would leap up and attack my inner thighs (if ya know what I mean) even potentially get caught within the confines of the skirt leading to later pain, humiliation and possibly infection. But then I came to realise that the cat was in fact dead. This comforted me a bit however I was so shocked and concerned that I almost tripped and landed face first in cat corpse. But fear not oh loyal blog-followers. I recollected myself and escaped for the situation unscathed.

And so with Pesach fast approaching I think we should remember how much cats were adored by the Egyptians. Therefore as a sign of our freedom we should limit their existence in the holy land of Zion.

No but seriously local council - SAVE ME!

With that, I warn you all that my parents are arriving for the festival of unleavened bread and so my posting may bit even more sporadic.

As such I will take this opportunity now to wish you all a pleasant celebration of freedom and redemption (from cats).

CWJ

Things that you may not have known about family law in Israel.

• It is all run by the religious courts
• this means that if you are Muslim you are under the jurisdiction of the sharia courts, Christians under church courts and Jews to the rabbinical courts (beit din)
• This means that Catholics cannot get divorced in Israel
• This also means that if you don't have a religion then you can't get married in Israel (though this is changing)
• For Jews, the only option is an orthodox court, reform and conservative streams do not get any recognition.
• The courts are also mainly populated by ultra-orthodox (haredi) judges.

Some of the quirks of this system for Jews include

• the option for men to take a second wife but never for a women to acquire a second husband
• the power of divorce to be completely in the hands of the husband
• that if a woman refuses to sleep with her husband he now has grounds for divorce and no longer has to pay her the ketuba money.
• a woman can however explain her reasons for not sleeping with her husband but they better be good
• a not good enough excuse is simply not wanting to, a good excuse is that your doctor told you not to while you are undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer.
• that if you try to escape the system by having a civil marriage in Cyprus the rabbinate will still recognize that marriage and you will still come under their jurisdiction for a divorce.
• that you can be barred from marriage in your own country simply because you are a divorcee or a convert and your fiancée is a Cohen
• or you can be barred from marrying any other Jew if your mother was married to somebody else other than your father when you were born.
• the trouble is you won't know that you can't marry anybody because the black list is not publicized and there is no course for appeal or revocation of that status.
• that even if you try to protect yourself by signing a pre-nup the rabbinate will say that this contract led your Get to being not of your husbands free will and hence invalid.
• that basically the way for a woman to get divorced in Israel is for her to give up on her right to property and maintenance and children in exchange for the Get.

This is the system that I hopefully will be working in one day.

I suppose there's a lot of work to do.