Dealbreakers

So last night I went on a date with a boy. He was a friend of a friend and apaz we were meant to be great together. Accordingly, after some fb chattage we arranged to go out for dinner.

It was an epic fail.

But before we get there, I'll let you know the good things about him.

1. He was dressed very well. Tie, shirt, vest, old man hat, the whole eccentric youth thing going on. This is a rare trait in Israel and a severely under-valued one.

2. He's a feminist. His favorite t-shirt says 'real men marry rabbis' and was suitably crushed when I told him that had I not been an orthodox girl I defs would have gone for smicha.

3. He's super smart and into politics, Judaism and philosophy. Tick, Tick, Tick.

So why was the date an epic fail?

He just possessed too many dealbreakers.

Specifically two things

1. He's super ridiculously right-wing both re:Israeli politics and general politics. Like, he makes Tony Abbott look like a pot smoking tree hugging lesbian. Ew Tony Abbott.

2. He wants to live in Israel his whole life but he won't make Aliya because he doesn't want to go to the army. Why not? This is a direct quote: "I'm a coward." Oh and he doesn't trust the army ever since Gush Katif. Loh Sababa. WTF! You can't want all the Arabs to die and be expelled from their homes but not be willing to put on khaki and do it yourself. You can't live here your whole life in safety and security without doing anything to protect yourself or your family.

Which brings me to a more fun game of 'sababa v'hakol' which mean's everything is ok with this person (ie: they could be the love of your life) except for this one thing. Could you deal with this one thing?

So here are things I could deal with if the guy was sababa v'hakol except for this one thing.

• He only wears orange velvet
• He has a girls name like Nancy or Tracy
• He has a theme song that he sings to himself while alone
• He refers to himself in the third person
• His favorite food is oxtail.

See - I'm open minded. I'm not picky.

Except for these small tiny things.

• Must be Jewish
• Must be orthodox
• Must have gone to yeshiva/will go to yeshiva
• Must be into flexible halacha/politics/film/music
• Must be taller than me (but seriously I'm 5 ft)
• Must be smart
• Must be funny
• Must be willing to live in Israel
• Must be not be too right-wing
• Must realise that women are people too
• Must not have tiny hands/feet/ears
• Must not have a high pitched voice
• Must not have a super annoying laugh

Basically I would like a hilarious individual who has tchelet tzitit coming out of his super skinny jeans while riding his bike through the streets of j'lem listening to alternating podcasts from Vampire Weekend and Yeshayahu Leibowitz.

At the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw - Is that too much to ask?