Haredi Dreamin'

So I'm your typical left-wing modern orthodox chutznik chick. I go to shira hadasha, I learn gemara and I really like to be meikel*.

But my sub-conscious is haredi.

Exibit A:

I once dreamed that I was at a super important world leaders conference. There I met Tony Blair. This was before he lost his mojo.

You should all know that I have a thing for world leaders. There is possibly nobody more attractive in the whole world than Nicolas Sarkozy, Bill Clinton or Bibi Netanyahu. And don't get me started on the things I would like to do with Barak Obama.

But back to the dream.

So obviously with myself being absurdly foxy and witty, Tony and I hit it off.

Prime Minister Blair says to me in a powerful British accent "Should we continue this in my hotel room?"

To which I (as per usual) bat my eye lashes and reply "I would love to but that would be Yichud**, so no thanx."

WTF!?!

I couldn't even break the rules for a world leader?

I couldn't even break the rules when it wasn't real but merely a figment of my imagination?!?

Which brings us to Exhibit B:

I also once dreamed that I was escaping a burning building with a high school friend. Let's call him Fez. In order to escape the building we had to climb across a ladder from the third floor window to another building and then use the drainpipes a la spider-man to reunite ourselves with the ground. I happen to have an intense fear of heights. Yes, even in my subconscious. So Fez held my hand throughout the climbing ordeal and helped me escape from the burning building.

When we arrived safety on the ground there was a group of black velvet kippa wearing yeshiva boys celebrating their survival near by. They came over to us and we smiled/laugh/shouted for joy. They went over and hugged my friend Fez. They then came over to give me a hug.

So I took a step back and said "sorry I'm shomeret nagia***."

The boys replied "but we saw you just touching your friend on the ladder."

"Yeah but like that was to escape a burning building" says I.

"Well, if you touched him you have to touch us" say the boys as they step towards me.

They then proceeded to circle around me to give me a group hug against my will.

In response I shout "BUT I'M A BAS YISROEL****!!!!" at the top of my lungs, while I sit up and wake up from my dream in a cold sweat.

OMG!

But like seriously - where do I pull that shite from?

* creating and using loopholes to avoid actually keeping halacha

** The rules against being alone with the opposite sex

*** The rules against touching the opposite sex

**** a term connoting a pure, chaste, meek and pious daughter of Israel