Naqba

The Naqba commemorations are certainly something that I’d heard about previously but I’d never experienced them first hand until this Sunday.

During my mishpat ivri class (basically how to turn halacha into a legal system) there began to be a whole lot of noise coming from outside. Helicopters were flying over head and were swooping down to the nearby Arab villages of Issawiye and Sheikh Jarrakh. We then heard a whole lot of shooting and explosions as well. Obviously I initially assumed they were massacring people on the university campus but it turns out that actually it was simply the helicopters and riot police shooting tear gas and potentially rubber bullets as well in the suburbs nearby. These explosions were then followed by the sounds of people (to me they sounded female) screaming and crying. I assumed that this was from the victims of the explosions. Needless to say I was convinced that a teeny tiny miniature war had erupted on campus. It turns out however that the screams were out of concern for what was happening but not actually anybody who was affected by the violence in the riots.

While this was going on the lecturer continued lecturing. Much like the day of the bomb at binyanei hauma the class continued while the students attempted to work out what was going on in the outside world. Text messages were frantically being sent out and news websites were being checked. At one point a particularly brave student stood up to go look out to window into the neighbouring villages to see what was happening.

I know that this story should be off-putting and make me be concerned about living in the middle east. The truth is however, that it does the opposite. I want to live where the action is and where history is being made. I don’t want to be in the sidelines, I’d prefer to be at the main event. And yes, Naqba makes me sad because it means that national self-determination is being denied to the Palestinians and that our role as super good Jews who care about other people and stuff like that is still not being fulfilled. But I gotta say – I’m mighty excited for September to see if there’ll be a need for another Naqba commemoration next year!

What War Zone?

Today was my first J'lem terrorist attack (or piguah) for the year. I've been in Israel for bombings before and I've been in Israel for wars before. But this is the first one of this year and hence it warrants a blog post.

I was in a class on solutions to the agunah crisis (divorce issues) when a girl announced that there's been a piguah on a bus by binyanei ha'uma. The lecturer asked how many injured/hurt. She answered that no fatalities yet but over 20 people hurt. We had a moment where we all looked at each other and didn't know what to do. The lecturer then continued teaching the class while we all subtly started texting our loved ones checking they are alright. Those of us who have internet in lecture halls went online to check the news.

That was it. We basically went straight back on with our lives.

To be honest, every other time I've been in Israel it's pretty much been the same. Normal life goes on.

So how do I feel?

Well it was very close to my house. Not that I was at home but still. Also it was a pretty big reminder that I'm not living in the West but instead smack bang in the middle east.

Intellectually and emotionally it's hard for me as a westerner to understand why people would do these things. Particularly I find it hard in relation to Gaza where there is the option for autonomy and independent statehood in pre-67 borders but the rockets keep falling and not just on marginal towns like Sderot (not that it's ok there either) but also on major cities like Be'er Sheva. It's hard for me when I consider the London bombings and how middle-class people with tertiary degrees could execute such attacks. As somebody who likes to put it all down economic theory and Marx sometimes its hard to cope with totally foreign and strong ideologies. Particularly when we come from the west which is today largely an ideology free zone.

On the other hand I don't find it that hard to comprehend since, to be honest, I don't really expect much more from humanity. I mean for the most part the whole world has spent all of history in a constant state of war. Indeed most of Africa is still like that. I suppose it's all well and good that Europe and the West has finally gotten its act together but it took a couple of super giant big wars/genocides for them to learn. More then that, even in our law and order filled countries there is still murder and family violence and street violence.

I came to a realization when I was 16 that human beings suck.

So I suppose that today is no different than any other day. Except that today the suckiness was closer to home.

How I am not a Man

I’ve recently spent at least 10 hours studying the laws of war. I will be spending at least another 40 hours studying this topic before December. This experience has taught me a very important lesson.

First: that sometimes it doesn't matter if the lecture is in English, you can still have no idea what's flying.

Second: I am not a man.

As much as I am in many ways just as component as a man and have the same natural entitlements and obligations as a man when it comes to violence we are talking about apples and oranges.

I am quite simply not violent. I will never use force to get what I want. Additionally I have never been nor am I likely to ever be in an army or a war. As such, the world of perpetrating violence is not my world and I can't understand it.

Now if we want to talk about victims of violence I get it. Without actually having experienced any significant violence against myself, I still know what it’s like to be afraid and know that I have no real means of defence.

I know that this is not the experience of all women. Obviously not. The fact that I’m 5 ft nothing and just a smidge over 50 kgs and generally adorable makes me inherently vulnerable. But additionally violence simply wouldn’t be an efficient method for me to get what I want and that’s why I use other methods to get my way. Like smiling, hair twirling or logical arguments. I don’t think ever about using violence and I can’t understand people who do use it. It simply doesn’t run through my decision making process ever. Even if other people threaten violence with me, counter violence doesn’t even play in my mind as a means of defence.

As such, there is a whole part of the world, of the man’s world, that is not part of my world. Now this realisation is significant in two ways

1) It’s something, which is at least partly biological (though also cultural) that differentiates me from the masculine, this is an uncommon reality b/c in most other ways I am the same as men, b/c ultimately we are all just people

2) I probably cannot be a human rights lawyer, at least where human rights relate to war or conflicts. B/c I just don’t get violence or war. I don’t understand it and hence would make a totally shit lawyer in this area. Goodbye potential job opportunities in the middle-east.

So does it bother me to not be a violent man? Not really. But it would be nice if even men weren’t violent in the first place.