The Age of Reason

So I've recently been to a couple of outings to the 'swamp/bitza' of Katamon J'lem. There, the natives engage in long and arduous mating rituals that are consistently unsuccessful. Which begs the question - why are these otherwise (mostly) lovely human beings epicly failing at finding a spouse?

This situation is particularly strange when we consider the status of non-religious 30-year-olds. These folks are almost always either married or in steady relationships. So why are their G-d fearing counterparts whiling away their nights alone, cold, in the dark, crying themselves to sleep?

I will tell you.

Shomer Nagia.

You see, religious people fall into two categories relationship-wise. Those that are young and naive and stupid and get married when they are 20 to somebody they've known for 3 hours (kidding... 3 months but same dif) and those that are 30 with 3 degrees, 2 jobs and live in Katamon.

That's it.

Two categories.

Take. Your. Pick.

This is where being Shomer Nagia messes with the situation. Because when you don't touch somebody you have to analyse the situation reasonably and a rationally. You simply can't get swept away with the moment and romance. As such you don't spend your dates holding hands and other appendages rather you ask your suitor responsible questions about their childhood, ideal parenting style and top three rabbis. Accordingly, if you over analyse any person or any relationship without the happy hormones from touching, you're probably going to come to the conclusion that you should run fast before you're trapped in a kitchen surrounded by children (see post on procreation regarding my fear of very young people).

This is however, unless you are young and stupid and naive and therefore willing to tie yourself to another human being and essentially place a significant part of your future wellbeing and happiness in their hands. You would only do that if you don't think about it too much.

The same goes for non-religious folks. They are so high on hot sex that they fail to notice that behind that ripped chest of a greek god is a vacuous self-absorbed mummy's boy. And that's why they manage to get themselves married or into relationships.

Only the religious who do not fall into holy matrimony at the age of gullibility fail to enter coupledom b/c they are simply thinking too much.

But its not their fault. G-d made them do it.

Grrr. G-d.

Procreation

I do not like children. Yes, I'm aware that I have ovaries and that I like to cook and crochet and wear skirts, all of which would imply that I like children. But I do not like children.

Here's why.

Children are evil.

Now don't get all huffy about this. I also think that adults are evil because humanity is pretty shit. Human beings consistently murder, rape, steal, beat, mutilate, humilate or simply don't care. Because people suck.

By this I mean people are just pretty selfish so if it's in their interests then they'll do shit things. But otherwise, as we can see around us, we tend to behave kinda ok.

This is because most adults have learnt to hide their selfish evil tendecies. We know that we won't have any friends if we don't share, that if we are constantly backstabbing that we won't get that promotion at work and if we rape, pillage and murder we'll probably go to prison (at least in

the western world).

Children on the other hand have not yet learnt to hide their selfish tendencies. Indeed they have basically no empathy for other human beings. All they care about are their own needs with no regard for the feelings of others. Many times they don't even realise that other people have feelings.

Please see http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-reveals-most-children-unrepentant-sociop,2870/ for more details about how evil children are.

This understanding about humanity led me for many years to be ambivalent about procreation. The world sux b/c people suck so why would I want to contribute to that by making more people, or on the odd chance that my offspring aren't evil why would I want them to have to deal with all of this?

But then again, I'm an Orthodox Jewess and dem Jews love dem babies.

Luckiliy I recently had a change of heart (sort of).

See not everybody behaves badly all the time. In fact people sometimes to really good things. But first they need to be taught whats good and bad. Now I don't want to be a teacher. But even if I did I don't think our school staff really give over moral lessons in any real way. It's mainly learnt at home.

So if I want there to be good people in the world then I have to make them myself (and a little help from Mr.Donor and Medicare...jj...or am I?)

On an additional level all the good work that I'll hopefully do as a family lawyer (divorce - yay!) will probably not have the same lasting impact on the world as creating awesome people will. This is because (if everything goes to plan) awesome people make more awesome people and then after a few generations we have an army and can take over the world! Conquor! Name me your Queen! All hail Queen Bogan! Tremble before me!

Stam.

But this is a message to you all: have babies (in moderation) and raise them right, it'll be much better for tikkun olam than all the recycling and vegan cheese in the world.