Catch Up

I will now endevour to catch you up on my life. There's been two shabbatot that I did not blog about but probably should.

The first was my shabbat away with my beit midrash, a program called hevruta. I've mentioned it before. So if you haven't been keeping track then I recommend that you trawl through my previous posts. It will be an educational and entertaining experience.

It was a lovely shabbat in Kibbutz Snir. It included a poiyke at like midnight. Which is cool, my only wish that we didn't sing Israeli pop songs from the 90s, since I was not a child in Israel at that time. On Friday there was a super fun hike which included walking through Druze villages and splashing through streams. Also the weather was beautiful. The shabbat itself was pretty standard; chulent, shiurim, tischim, flirting, etc.

My critique on the shabbat is that the beit midrash has all types of religious people in it. Even non-religious, ideologically secular people in the beit midrash. The shabbat however was totally orthodox. It made the environment less inclusive or pluralist. And being a leftish wanker I really like those things.

My last shabbat I was in Givat Shmuel (ie: Bar Ilan) with my friends who've made aliya. They are all very nice and it was a super pleasant shabbat. Am still happy that I'm not living there for the following reasons

1) wayyyy too many anglos. It's strange to be in shule and nobody speaks Hebrew

2) wayyy too many dosim. As a frummie myself I feel its fair for me to say that religos are dull.

But on a good note we had lunch with Belgians. I learnt the following things about Belgians

1) OMG they are exceedingly good looking - girls and boys alike

2) They speak French but are superior to the French b/c they also speak English and the secret language flemmish.

Lastly am letting you all know that I've started an internship. It's at the Centre for Women's Justice. My first point of work was to send a letter to Rabbi and Ms. Irving and Blu Greenberg (modox nerds should appreciate that).

Other than that my life is busy, I have an assignment due on halachic options for female rabbis and another one on the hakachic attitude towards fetuses. Both due over Purim. Poohead professors.

In that case I better get back to work.

Skullcaps

As you can notice I've been bloggin alot recently. This is because I have an assignment on international humanitarian law due (by that I mean its overdue already) and blogging is a surefire way to avoid being a responsible student while pretending to study b/c hey, atleast I'm on my laptop!

So I think we need to discuss kippot. I've recently returned to my kippa factory ways which has given me a lot of food for thought in terms of classifying whole and complex human beings based purely on what they wear on their heads. As such without further ado here is such a list.

1) Dead Animals - This could be anything from a spoddik to a shtreimel and it basically provides a strong warning for me to stay far far away. That is unless I feel like living in 18th century white Russia while singing german drinking tunes with my eyes closed.

2) Black velvet - Though obviously there are frum people who wear black velvet kippot, the majority of the time such head-wear is found accompanying tight white shirts and even tighter shiny dark pants. Not to mention ridiculously pointy shoes and intensely sleezy eyes. Ahhh shababnikim - you and your arsim ways!

3) Black Velvet With 'Yechei Adonani' Around The Rim - Idolators. No thanx.

4) Giant White Rebbe Nachman - Damn it, I'd totally rule these boys out for being nonsensical except that they make ridiculously good dance music (...errr...that I listen to ironically...).

5) Giant Kippa Sruga -Let me guess, you're 24, have three kids, live in a caravan and sleep with your gun. But if I told you that Rav Kook was my great (great?) uncle you'd have to be impressed.

6) Regular Kippa Sruga - so many patterns and colours and styles and locations on the head. I'm a bit of a fan of the right on the top of the head situation, like nati from srugim. The only issue here is that either you're already married or you won't be until you're 30 and have finished the 7 degrees you seem to need before getting a real job. Nevertheless my heart beats a little bit quicker every time you re-arrange that crocheted circle atop your talmud filled head.

7) The Tiny Sruga - Yeah we get it, you're lost. Your parents don't know what to do with you and all you want is to go to India, smoke pot and 'experiment.'

8) Plain Leather - From a frum fam and has gone to yeshiva but doesn't really care that much. You drink alot, mess around with girls, eat out occasionally and are forgetful of the laws of shabbat. But when you hit your late 20s all you'll want is a 19 year old virginal aidel maidel who makes wicked deli role and wouldn't dream of being anything other than a physio/occupational/music therapist.

9) Printed Leather - American Modox, comes with accompanying basketball shorts and too loud obnoxious accent.

10) The Girls Kippa - Ok I'll admit that I'm not so well versed in these but I'm going to assume that it comes with a matching floral tallit.

11) Shiny White - and I almost forgot the awkwardly perched free kippot worn by estranged cousins to weddings. It's so uncomfortable and adorable. Loves it!

12) Hats - Another soft spot of mine. Straw hats, old man hats, faux-communist military hats. It says - hey babe, wanna hear my haiku based on bava metzia that I remixed with dubstep? *melt*

As such I feel like I've successfully avoided any nuance or depth and managed to fit a large number of people into very rigid boxes based purely on their yarmulke with little concern for the complexities of human self-definition.

Good job Ms.B!

The Secret Life Of Men

It's been a while since we've had a post shabz post. So here's a return to tradition with something out of the ordinary.

On Friday night I was initiated to a secret society. The have a secret language. Secret handshakes. Secret privileges. Most people aren't allowed in. But I got a sneak peak.

OK you got me. It's not so secret. But I was at a dinner where I was the only girl and I feel like I got an intense insight into the male brain.

And to clarify, by male brain we mean early 20s yeshiva student brain. But still... it was interesting.

One of my first discoveries was that contrary to popular opinion boys can cope without meat. These young men chose to have a vegetarian shabbat meal, much to my pleasure. Additionally they cooked the meal themselves and it was no average meal. Mushroom soup, quiche, a million types of cheese and halva and a giant salad with fruit in it. FRUIT! Though the give away that it was a man-meal could be the abundant amounts of beer and whiskey consumed through the course of the evening. Though that was very nice too.

Furthermore the conversation topics were delightful. They discussed what type of weddings they'd like (traditional, naturist, small...etc) and then they discussed torah for abit (obviously from an academic perspective) and then there was a discussion of women as communal leaders (shlichei tzibbur or rabbis). They consistently had adorably open-minded and well considered opinions. When the topic of rape was brought up, one of the gentlemen found the topic so offensive he asked that we discuss something else. What a mentch!

All in all these man-boys liked women b/c they liked humanity and they liked torah b/c they liked learning and truth.

This dinner gave me hope that even though the majority of jewboys are really just bigoted mummies boys there are those who are a beacon of hope in flowing tzitzit for us all.

Amen brother.

Nothing but trouble

Ok I get it.

Secular girls love religious boys. Despite my many many many blog posts complaining about how they r mummies boys, they are closed minded and judgmental dem secular girls just can't resist.

All they want is they want is a boy who is essentially already their father.

Responsible. Reliable.

Concerned about the future. Couldn't possibly cheat on you. Bullied and fussed about by a middle aged woman.

I get that it's nice to see a boy who cares about things. He prays. He has self control. He obviously wants a family and won't be pressuring you into sex any time soon. Heck, he blushes just thinking of holding your hand.

I get it secular girls. But you are wrong.

Dem religious boys are nothing but trouble.

Trouble in a polo shirt, kippa and double knotted laces.

But for those of you who enjoy swooning please see http://gabydunn.com/post/2083903661/jewz

(obvz my fave in ginger jew)

And for an oldie but a goodie feel free to return to http://breakthedrought.wordpress.com/2010/05/09/religious-boys/

By The Way...

By the way... you should know that I'm religious.

I get the feeling in my life that I need a badge declaring for the world that I'm an orthodox Jewess. I need one because despite the skirts and the sleeves and the necklines people still don't get that I'm religious.

Or even when they ask me and I answer "yes" they reply with "yeah, but you're not really."

By that I assume they mean that I think and talk and dress and think. And THINK. Also that I'm interested in film, music, poetry, fashion and philosophy and apparently religious people just aren't into that stuff.

So why does this bother me so much?

Because I actually understand why people think I'm not religious - sometimes I forget that I'm religious myself.

Additionally, I actually prefer the company of the secular. In particular, secular boys.

This is because they don't look at you with the starving eyes of a man who hasn't touched female flesh since he was 15 when his rabbi bribed him with pizza to make a promise that he will no longer touch girlies or himself. But at the same time religious boys never tell you that you look nice. They never reckon that you are wearing a wicked top or interesting shoes.

Secular boys on the other hand have learnt the art of the compliment.

But wait, there's more...

• Secular boys aren't always trying to evaluate your abilities as a breeder.
• Secular boys aren't scared of the fact that you study law.
• Secular boys aren't afraid that you wear colour.
• Secular boys won't judge you for drinking beer.
• Secular boys are ok with you being left-wing.

But there's also less...

• Secular boys don't get that you can't go out on friday night
• Secular boys don't get that Rambam is a top bloke.
• Secular boys don't get that you're not doing all this because of your family but because you made an informed and active volition to live a religious life.

Shit, now I've ruled out both brands of boys.

Shit.