A post-shabz pre-oz post

Hi world,

Shabbat was lovely.

Here's what I did.

I went to my usual adorable hippie minyan thats about the size of my kitchen and had a very intense prayer experience. Which is surprising for me b/c I'm close to being the worst davener in history - after Yeshayahu Leibowitz.

Then I had a million people over for dinner (read: 10). As usual with me it was over-catered. But the culinary highlights include split pea soup, Doritos salad and sweet potato pie (the real star of the evening) The company was lovely and I basically just live to be a hostess so I went to bed very satisfied.

Today, I went to Shira Hadasha for shacharit (well I got there in time for torah reading...). There were less women in kippot and talisim this week so I felt more comfortable. The best part however (apart from having hot drinks and whole oranges at the kiddush) was the shiur after shule by Rabbi Ethan Tucker the rosh yeshiva of Machon Hadar. I'll be honest, it wasn't the best shiur I've ever heard (I tend to think that liberal orthodoxy isn't too intellectually honest) but it was pretty good nonetheless.

Then lunch was wonderful. I went to a friend of mine's mum and not only does she have great kids and vegetarian food but also really interesting guests. One was getting his phd in biblical studies. Another works as a researcher for the human rights organisation 'B'Tzelem' and another was a South African human rights lawyer/lecturer. Everybody was lovely and interesting and helped remind me that your can be orthodox and a good person. Surprising, I know.

Other than that, I gotta give y'all a heads up that I may be absent for the next 2 weeks or so. I'm going back to oz for my best friend's wedding and may be a bit distracted by that.

So consider yourselves warned.

Shavua Bov, Ms.b

How I am not a Man

I’ve recently spent at least 10 hours studying the laws of war. I will be spending at least another 40 hours studying this topic before December. This experience has taught me a very important lesson.

First: that sometimes it doesn't matter if the lecture is in English, you can still have no idea what's flying.

Second: I am not a man.

As much as I am in many ways just as component as a man and have the same natural entitlements and obligations as a man when it comes to violence we are talking about apples and oranges.

I am quite simply not violent. I will never use force to get what I want. Additionally I have never been nor am I likely to ever be in an army or a war. As such, the world of perpetrating violence is not my world and I can't understand it.

Now if we want to talk about victims of violence I get it. Without actually having experienced any significant violence against myself, I still know what it’s like to be afraid and know that I have no real means of defence.

I know that this is not the experience of all women. Obviously not. The fact that I’m 5 ft nothing and just a smidge over 50 kgs and generally adorable makes me inherently vulnerable. But additionally violence simply wouldn’t be an efficient method for me to get what I want and that’s why I use other methods to get my way. Like smiling, hair twirling or logical arguments. I don’t think ever about using violence and I can’t understand people who do use it. It simply doesn’t run through my decision making process ever. Even if other people threaten violence with me, counter violence doesn’t even play in my mind as a means of defence.

As such, there is a whole part of the world, of the man’s world, that is not part of my world. Now this realisation is significant in two ways

1) It’s something, which is at least partly biological (though also cultural) that differentiates me from the masculine, this is an uncommon reality b/c in most other ways I am the same as men, b/c ultimately we are all just people

2) I probably cannot be a human rights lawyer, at least where human rights relate to war or conflicts. B/c I just don’t get violence or war. I don’t understand it and hence would make a totally shit lawyer in this area. Goodbye potential job opportunities in the middle-east.

So does it bother me to not be a violent man? Not really. But it would be nice if even men weren’t violent in the first place.