Jesus Saves, Jews Invest

There are about 4 Jews in my Ulpan class. There are 5 Arabs and about 9 Christians. It's funny that in the Jewish state I'm still in the minority.

I actually like this mix of people. There are Muslim Arabs who've been fasting for Ramadan and Christian Arabs who like to wear super giant crosses.

The non-Arab Christians are also generally swell. I even have a chevruta on the parsha with one of them. He's studying to become a Lutheran pastor and is super good at Tanach. I'd have to say it's one of the more interesting cherutot that I've ever had.

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the way the Christians view me, Jews and Zionism. Now, the more moderate views are simply that it's great that the Jews have a state and try to live moral lives but in order to really get those divine brownie points they gotta accept Jesus. I suppose that I'm ok with that idea.

The next level up are those Christians who think that the establishment of the state is pretty significantly theologically and would like all the Jews to live in Israel so that when Jesus return we can either accept him and be saved or reject him and be damned. That's a little bit more strange.

The highest level of intenseness are those who reckon that Jews should still be Jewish, should still be shomer torah and mitzvot but should simply also accept Jesus as the messiah. In their logic, and I quote for you directly, "if Chabad can have a messiah and the Breslovers can have a messiah and still be Jewish why can't Jews who believe in Jesus still be Jewish?"

So I've been trying to work out what makes me so uncomfortable with all this. I've decided it's a few things.

First: It's weird to think that the end if nigh. That at any moment the heavens may open up and G-d will pour out his wrath on the non-believers but save the saved. It's just abit nutso to me. I say this with the awareness that yes, there are many Religious Zionist Jews who feel similarly and that I do obviously also want to messiah to come asap. I guess that my concept of the messiah is a little bit more Maimonidean. See his commentary on perek chelek for more details.

Second: It's not ok with me that there's no option for me not to accept Jesus and be saved. Within my religion it's enough that the Non-Jews keep the 7 Noahide laws. Bascially they gotta be monotheist and moral. It's not that hard. There's no need for everybody to be Jewish or accept exactly my beliefs. But with the Christians in my class it annoys me that no matter how moral I am, no matter how much charity I give I'm nevertheless damned b/c I don't accept Jesus as the messiah.

Third: I keep wanting to yell at them "GET YOUR OWN RELIGION!" I think Christianity's inability to actually completely separate from Judaism irritates me. The fact that I (and Jews in general) still hold a significant theological position for Christians irritates me. They're obsessed with knowing Judaism and understanding Jews. But are constantly reading our practices from a Christian perspective and trying to fit us into their understanding of what Judaism is or should be and it grates upon me.

The final issue is that some of these people are very nice. They are funny and sweet and understanding so it's difficult to remain uncomfortable around them. But I nevertheless would very much prefer it if they didn't invite me to come to the Jews for Jesus shul and didn't speak about the Jews being damned during the lunch break.

Lets just stick to the topics of the weather and how much learning hebrew grammar sux, ok folks?

The Frenchman

There is a new boy in my ulpan class. He's French, but not the French boy whose top is so unbuttoned his nipples go flying. This is a new one who just started this week.

Here's what he's like. Tall. Broad. Big dark eyes. Thick wavy hair. Dresses so so well. Nice jeans and button down shirts and suave sunglasses. He speaks French (duh) English, Hebrew and Spanish. He's left-wing but still religious (like davenning in a minyan multiple times a day religious psht psht). He's funny and smart and we have great chemistry.

It's amazing after all these dates I've been on with all these boys how different it is when you just click with somebody. Then there's none of this "O, I guess I'll give them a second date" or "Yeah, they seemed sweet enough..." but no, when it works you just know.

But there's a catch.

There's always a bloody catch.

He's not Jewish.

His mum is Catholic, his dad is Jewish. He was raised as a secular Jew and has recentlyish been reunited with his Judaism. He's converting.

Which raises a couple of issues.

1) Why would you convert? GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!! RUN!!! FLEEE!!!!!

2) What if I get involved with him and he changes his mind?

3) What if I get involved and he becomes haredi/super intense with Judaism b/c of the conversion process?

4) What if the conversion process takes another 5 years?

5)What if he converts and then the haredi rabbanut revokes it?

Anyways, so I'm generally not sure if I want to go out with him now even though he's otherwise supremely awesome.

But if I do want to go out with him how do I make this happen?

I've never ensnared anybody or seduced anybody in my whole life. I have no idea how to make him realise that he's obsessed with me.

My initial idea (please don't judge me too much for this) was to ask to have a chevruta with him. This serves two purposes.

1) I like to learn Torah with interesting people and he seems pretty interesting

2) It'll give him a chance to realise the full extent of my awesomeness and by logical consequence that he's in love with me.

But then I thought that maybe learning Torah with him may intimidate him or make him think I'm too holy to hit on. But I'm not. Hit on me dearest Frenchie!

So now I throw the questions to you folks out there:

1) Do I want to date a person in the process of converting?

2) If I do, how do I make that happen?

The OC

There's a boy in my Ulpan class who looks like Sandy Cohen, from the sophisticated and hard hitting drama The OC, a classic of our times.

Perhaps I should invite him round for Christmukka and we can save troubled youths while living in giant mansions together happily for the rest of our lives. Or until Marissa dies b/c then everything goes downhill.

But it raises interesting questions about Sandy Cohen.

1. WTF were the writers thinking naming a man Sandy. Poofs.

2. Was the attractive thing about Sandy his looks or his age?

Well conveniently having his doppelganger in my class I can answer this question.

Sandy (and his younger ulpan attending self) are undeniably good looking. But the most attractive thing about him was definitely more to do with maybe his age and significantly that he likes to help troubled youths.

So what's the deal with older men?

Most likely it may be a genetic and cultural anomaly from back when women couldn't support or protect themselves and therefore older men, with their wealth and stability, were good providers and husbands n shite like that.

So why do I, a liberated and independent woman, (though undeniably adorable and domesticated) still like older men?

Probably for those exact reasons, b/c even though I don't want to be stuck back in the 1950s I've still been socialised to find experience and stability attractive in men.

Well done western society, you sure did a swell job at brainwashing!

Now that's clarified, you can all return to facebook.